“I don’t know what to say,” I admit. “I’m feeling so many different things.” I’ve only known her a short while, but I really have come to think of Hayden as my own sister. I’ve really come to think of her as a friend, a companion. I’ve come to think of her as my family.
“Quinn told you why he hated LeBlaie, right?” She asks quietly, and I have the feeling Hayden is about to talk about what happened to her. I have a feeling she’s about to talk about her past in a way she doesn’t usually.
“He told me he took you,” I tell her. “He told me LeBlaie hurt you.”
“Raped me,” Hayden says. “He raped me, Fiona. Many times. He hurt me and hit me and starved me, and then he raped me.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” I whisper, and I wrap my arms around Hayden. “You must have been so scared.”
“I was scared,” she says. “Just like I know you were.” She pulls back and cups my cheek for a second. We’re both crying, but she just looks at me like she believes in me. She looks at me like everything is going to be okay.
“Does it ever stop hurting?” I ask her.
“No,” Hayden says. “But somehow, after awhile, you kind of learn to live with the pain. After awhile, I think it becomes part of you.”
“I don’t want to talk to them,” I whisper. “I’m scared.”
“What are you scared of? Quinn won’t let them hurt you again. That’s not going to happen.”
“I know. I know he’s going to protect me no matter what happens. I know he loves me and he doesn’t view me as, you know, ‘damaged goods’ or whatever.” That’s not Quinn’s style. Never has been.
“Then what?”
“They knew,” I tell her. “They knew. They could have had me killed or done it themselves. They could have gotten rid of me in any number of different ways, but they left me to be hurt. Why?”
“I don’t know,” she shakes her head sadly, like it doesn’t make sense to her, either.
“When I was taken, I didn’t realize what was happening at first. It was all so fast, and then it kind of just hit me at once. Now, even though it’s over and I’m safe, I can’t stop thinking about the other girls.”
“The ones who were with you.”
“There were a lot, Hayden. There were so many. They didn’t get to be saved like I did. They didn’t find their true love. They didn’t get a savior.”
“Don’t do this to yourself,” Hayden says firmly. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you make yourself feel guilty over what happened to you. You don’t get to feel guilty for being saved. You couldn’t help being rescued.”
“I wish we could have all been saved,” I whisper.
“But life isn’t a fairytale, sweetie.” Hayden’s words hang in the air because there’s really nothing else to say. She can’t take away the pain of what happened to me just like I can’t take away the pain that happened to her. Neither one of us can stop the darkness that covers our world. Neither one of us can heal the universe, but we can try to heal our own lives, and we can try to do it together.
One day at a time.
One day at a time, Hayden and I can try to heal.
Hayden wraps her arms around me and we cry together for a long time. Then she kisses me on the forehead.
“It’s going to be all right,” she whispers, and I hope she’s telling me the truth.
I really, really hope she’s telling me the truth.
Chapter 29
Quinn
Mirroean is one of the most beautiful planets in existence. It’s covered almost entirely in water and most of the property on the planet is manufactured. There are a few islands and land-based areas, but most of the structures are on boats or boardwalks. Because there’s so little actual land, Mirroean is fucking expensive.
We dock our ship at a small floating port and when we exit the vessel, I have to fill out paperwork that enables us to stay on the planet for a short visit. Fiona is a citizen, but she doesn’t have her ID card or anything that gives us leeway to stay longer. Still, I list her as a member of the crew because we’re here: there’s no reason to lie.
When the elderly man with glasses looks over our paperwork, his eyes suddenly go wide.