oes. I don’t tell anyone – not even Bailey – how few hours I sleep. I don’t tell anyone I can’t sleep even when I’m tired because my brain is constantly running through an endless to-do list. I can’t tell anyone the secrets I hold because my heart is wrapped up in them.
If I had to tell someone why I am the way I am, it would mean exposing my heart. If I had to tell someone, it would make me raw and vulnerable. If I had to tell someone, it would break me.
And I have to ask if James can handle that.
And I have to ask if he’s worth it.
But as I watch him and Coop telling these stories about their time overseas, about their years in the military, something tells me it’s time to take a chance.
Something tells me it’s time to go all or nothing.
Something tells me James is the one I’ve been waiting for.
Chapter 7
James
“Let me take you home.”
“I don’t know about all that,” Kasey laughs. She’s drunk, maybe just tipsy, and she’s holding onto my arm like it’s the only thing keeping her upright. She feels good against me, right.
“Do you want me and Coop to drive you?” Bailey asks with a smirk. Unlike Kasey, she’s completely, one hundred percent sober.
“You guys will just make out at the stoplights,” Kasey sighs loudly. “I’d better go with James.” She takes my hand and waves to Bailey, then tugs me outside of the restaurant. Waving to Cooper and Bailey, I gently guide Kasey to my truck and help her inside. She talks aimlessly on the way back to her place. She tells me all about her classes and her job and how she likes to volunteer at a local animal shelter.
Kasey talks about dancing like it’s as important to her as breathing.
She talks about how she’s never been in love, and how she might be with me, but she’s not really sure.
She talks about how crazy the future is.
She talks about her dad.
She talks about how he left and she thinks it was her fault.
She tells me he’s the reason she works so much, the reason she pushes herself just a little bit more.
As if working harder will bring him back.
As if more credit hours will make her childhood better.
Kasey opens up to me in ways she never has before and for a moment, I’m saddened that she’s so drunk. She’s not going to remember any of this tomorrow and I want to let her know I’ll be there for her without embarrassing her.
She doesn’t have to deal with this crap alone.
Does Kasey think she has to impress people? Does she feel like she’s going to let people down? Maybe she just wants her dad to see her now, to know that she was fine. He left, but she didn’t break. She’s strong. She’s powerful. She’s brave. He left, but it didn’t destroy her world.
She doesn’t have to impress anyone, but she’s sure as hell impressed me.
We get home and I help her unlock the door. I tell myself I’m not going to stay. I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow, but I don’t want her to feel pressured into anything. Kasey is an amazing girl. More than amazing: she’s incredible. I’m really starting to care about her, but I don’t want her to think I’m taking advantage of her in any way.
So I stay outside as she stumbles into her tiny apartment. There are still a few random boxes in the living room. They’re Bailey’s, I’m guessing. Kasey flicks on lights and I hear her pouring a glass of water.
“I’m going to head home now, if you’re all right,” I call into the apartment.
She appears in the doorway.
“You aren’t going to stay the night?” Is it my imagination, or does Kasey sound a little let down? It’s got to be my imagination. Yeah, we’ve been texting and sexting for awhile now, but she’s drunk, and vulnerable, and it’s not a good idea.