“Yeah, well, not for too much longer,” he comments, and I realize I’ve said the wrong thing.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” What? What didn’t I mean? That he wouldn’t look sexy? No. I just didn’t mean to make him sad thinking about the fact that his career is basically over before it ever really got started.
“It’s okay. Sometimes it’s just hard
.”
“What was it like?” I ask before I can talk myself out of it.
“It hurt.”
“Does it still hurt?”
“Sometimes.”
“You must feel lonely.”
He hesitates so long I wonder if he’s still there, but James clears his throat and starts talking again.
“I never knew true loneliness before this. You know, before this happened to me, the worst thing I’d ever experienced was a speeding ticket.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need your pity.”
“I don’t pity you. I just think it’s bullshit you’ve had to go through this alone.”
“You’re upset for me?”
“Of course I am!” I practically screech. “The universe is so not fucking fair. So not fair.”
“What about you, Kasey?”
“What about me?”
“What are your secrets? What makes you feel lonely? What separates you from other people?”
“You just got really deep really fast.”
“And you just avoided my question. Deflection?”
“Probably.”
“I shared with you,” he says, almost in a sing-song voice.
And he did. The least I can do is share back. I owe him that much.
“You really want to know?”
“I really want to know.”
“It’s stupid.”
“Try me.”
“My dad left when I was a kid.” He sucks in a breath of air.
“I’m sorry. That’s rough. How old were you?”