“Now just think about how much prettier you are than all that,” he says. “You’re even more gorgeous than all of this, Odessa,” he says.
“Stop it,” I whisper, suddenly overcome with emotion. “You’re going to make me cry.”
No man has ever made me cry as much as Jasper has, and I don’t want to ruin this moment by letting my heart get carried away. I don’t want to think about how much I missed him while he was away or how sad I was when he didn’t call. I don’t want to think about how I’ve spent the last few months trying to get over him. I don’t want to think about how much it hurts when we aren’t together.
“I mean it,” he says. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known, both inside and out.”
And then I do start to cry.
“Odessa,” he starts.
“I’m fine,” I whisper. I close my eyes, trying to force myself back into the magic of the moment. We were about to make love right here on the deck. We were about to fall into each other’s arms and everything was going to be okay, but instead of making love to me, he turns me around and pulls me into his arms.
“It’s okay to not be fine, Odessa.”
“No, it’s not.”
I should be stronger.
“Odessa, look at me,” he whispers, and I look up into those deep eyes. Jasper really has the kind of eyes you could lose yourself in. “You don’t have to be strong around me, okay? I know I let you down, princess. I know I messed up. I’ve made some huge mistakes and I know it might take a long time for you to forgive me. Maybe you’ll never forgive me, and that’s something I’ll have to come to terms with. I get it.”
“Jasper…”
“Baby, part of this whole Dom/sub things means you can be honest with me. That’s kind of the entire point, really.”
“I know,” I tell him.
“Do you?” He asks gently. “Because I get the feeling that you don’t really feel comfortable telling me when you need something. Is there some truth to that?”
I swallow hard. Okay, so maybe his Dom senses aren’t completely off. Maybe he really does know what he’s talking about.
“I’ve been through a lot,” I tell him.
“Let’s go inside,” he says. “It’s getting cold, and I’m sure we can find someplace more comfortable to talk.”
“In the club?”
“If you like,” he says. “Or we could go to my place. Your call, buttercup.” He traces my face gently, and I lean into his touch.
“Let’s go to your place,” I say. “I think being somewhere quiet could be a good way for us to start this thing off right.”
“It’s a plan,” he says. “First, let’s go talk to June.”
“Why June?”
Jasper shoots me a look. “Baby, do you really think I’m going to drag you off without telling anyone where you’re going to be?”
Of course.
I should have known Jasper would care about accountability.
Apparently, I really, totally, completely misjudged him. I wonder if it’s going to take me for-fucking-ever to move past the idea that he didn’t care about me. Obviously, we had some problems with miscommunication in the past, but he’s being honest now. More than that: he’s truly being what I think I need in a Dom.
He’s protecting me, guarding me.
People have this idea that BDSM is all about spankings and being tied up. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s about more than that, though. Sometimes it’s about being cared for, protected. Sometimes it’s about having someone who’s willing to help me when things get hard.
It’s about having someone who’s going to push me when I need to be pushed and who’s going to hold me when I need to be held.