“Shh,” he whisper. “Just come.”
I’ve been everywhere the club has to offer and because I’m friends with June, I’ve been behind-the-scenes plenty of times. I know when we pass her office and her private rooms and the broom closet and the storage area and the guest rooms that haven’t been remodeled yet.
I know when we turn down another hallway that Jasper is taking me outside, and I don’t protest when he pushes open the door, leads me up a few stairs, and stands with me on one of the decks.
From the outside, Anchored looks like an ordinary mini cruise ship. It’s decommissioned, of course, and I have no idea how much June paid for the damn thing, but people passing by assume it’s either a private vessel or a restaurant. There have been a few times when people have shown up wanting to eat dinner here, but security is good enough that they never even make it inside.
“What are you doing, Jasper?” I ask. “I’m tired. I just came here to relax. I don’t want to fight with you tonight.”
“Fight? Why would you think we’re going to fight?”
“Because we always fight. Because you fucked me and then you abandoned me. You ghosted. Then, all of a sudden, you showed back up at the club and acted like nothing ever happened. What gives, Jasper? Why do you want to talk to me now? Why tonight of all nights?”
“I messed up,” he says slowly, and Jasper moves closer. He places his hands on my waist, and this time, I don’t push them away. He’s wearing a suit, of all things. A suit. A couple of the Doms do, and I like it. I prefer suits to leathers, and I’m not alone in that. There’s just something about being spanked by a man in a suit that screams powerful. Most of the Doms at the club still like to wear leathers, but not Jasper. It turns me on, him wearing these suits, and I hate the fact that Jasper can turn me on.
I don’t want to be aroused by someone who hurt me so deeply.
I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the excuse. It could be anything, but I say the first thing that pops into my head.
“Is it because I’m black?”
Jasper is silent for a minute, and then he lifts my chin so I’m forced to look into his eyes.
“What?” He asks, and I see the shock and pain in his eyes.
Fuck.
So that’s not the reason.
He seems offended and hurt that I even asked him that.
“I just thought…you know…” I start to sputter. Apparently, I had him completely wrong.
“You thought I didn’t want you because our skin doesn’t match?”
“You’re white,” I whisper. “And I’m not.”
“You think I’m so shallow that I need a white girl to be happy, Odessa? You think I need someone who looks like me? Is that the type of man you think I am?”
“I’ve been with men who were happy fucking me but who didn’t want to bring me home to their mommas, Jasper,” I
say, more than a little defensively. “You wouldn’t be the first.”
“Odessa,” he whispers, taking a deep breath. “You have the most beautiful skin in the fucking world, and the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever seen. You make me laugh harder than any woman has ever been able to make me laugh and when I’m with you, you make me feel like everything is going to be okay. You make me feel safe, and you make me feel happy, and you make me feel brave.”
I don’t know when I started crying, but when Jasper brushes the tears off my face, I realize I’m practically bawling at his words.
“Then why did you leave?” I whisper. “We had the most wonderful night together, Jasper, and then you just left. You didn’t call me or text me. You stopped coming to the club. It was like you just vanished, and then you just randomly came back.”
“I’m in the Army,” he says, and I shake my head because I don’t know what he’s trying to say.
“Okay?” I ask. “So what? What does that have to do with us sleeping together? Does the Army not want you getting laid?”
“I have a classified job,” Jasper says. “Do you know what that means?”
“It means you can’t talk about what you do.”
“That’s right,” he says. “I’m an analyst, Odessa. It’s a classified position that I can’t talk about to anyone. Even you. Even if we got married, Odessa, I wouldn’t be able to tell you anything about what I do.”