I want to say I’m not that bad and I don’t deserve it, but you never know.
Maybe I was a really terrible child or something and this is Karma’s way of getting back at me.
As I trudge along the side of the highway, I wonder how long it’s going to take to actually get my car fixed. Realistically, Honeypot is an hour away by car. I can’t afford to have my car towed there and fixed in Honeypot. I’m sure Hope would spot me the money, but I don’t want to be a burden. Asking for help is already hard for me. Asking her to pay for a tow? I won’t do that.
No, there’s got to be a town closer than that. I’m
sure there are several rink-a-dink little places here and there that have mechanics. The biggest problem right now is that I didn’t take the highway. It’s at least half a mile to my left and right now, I’m just going straight. I’m just going to keep moving. I’m just going to keep walking until I find something, anything, anywhere.
I reach an intersection and I take note of the street names so that when I do find a mechanic, I can tell him exactly where the car is. It’s dark, but the stars are so bright I can see where I’m going.
“You don’t get views like this in the city,” I mutter, and keep walking. It’s strange to think how much my life has changed in the last week. It’s strange to think that a week ago, I was just a normal person living a normal life. I had a normal boyfriend and a normal job and a normal future.
And then Jeremy decided I wasn’t worth protecting.
He decided I wasn’t worth fighting for.
I wonder how people survive break-ups and still move on to find someone new. Isn’t it strange? I suppose it’s kind of like how women go through childbirth, but then continue on to have another child. It hurts, but it’s worth it. The pain is awful, but soon the memory fades, even just a little.
In a month, will I still feel so broken?
In a year, will I still feel so sad?
I’m still crying as I walk and now, strangely, I have the feeling I’m being watched. I wasn’t worried before, but now I’m starting to get a little nervous. This is Colorado, after all. It’s known for wild animals. Hope told me she saw a lot of wild creatures when she first arrived. Hell, she even saw a bear. Like, up close.
I shiver as I think about running into a bear out here alone. I’m not terribly out of shape, but I don’t think I’d be able to out-run a bear. Even if I wasn’t completely tired and worn out from my week, from the drive, I don’t know if I could face a bear. I’d probably faint from fear.
“There’s nothing out here,” I say aloud. I stop walking and turn in a circle, searching the darkness. There are fields on either side of the road. One of them has a lot of trees, but they’re spaced far enough apart that nothing is hiding. I would be able to see a bear.
I think.
There’s nothing.
“You’re overreacting,” I say to myself. “There’s nothing here, Amy. Just focus. What do you need to do?”
I start moving again as I run through a mental checklist and continue talking to myself. It’s a nervous habit. Ever since I was little, I’ve talked to myself when I’m scared or overwhelmed. It’s probably really silly, probably really dumb, but it’s always made me feel like I could handle things.
Somehow, hearing my voice out loud makes me feel a little stronger, a little braver. Maybe it’s because sometimes, having anyone tell you they believe in you can give you the strength you need to move forward. Even if that someone is just yourself, sometimes it’s nice to hear. It’s nice to hear you can do it.
It’s nice to have someone tell you you’re strong.
“First, find a mechanic,” I say. Then I realize it’s nearly midnight. I imagine all the mechanics have gone home for the night. “Scratch that. Find a motel. In the morning, talk to the clerk. The clerk can help me find someone to fix my car.”
That’s it.
That’s what I’ll do.
I’ll find a motel. I’ll find a clerk. I’ll find a mechanic.
They’ll fix my car and then I’ll be on my merry way. Then everything will be okay and I’ll only be a little late to Hope’s place and then I can really start my new life without Jeremy, without stress, without any problems.
I’ll be able to start my life.
My legs are aching and my throat is dry. I wish I’d thought to grab a water bottle. I’ve been walking for close to an hour and sleeping in the ditch is starting to seem like a viable option, but then I finally spot some lights.
There are only a couple of lights visible at first, but soon there are more and more, and I reach the edge of a small town.
“Wolfe City,” I read the sign. “Cute name.” I mean, it’s the kind of name that makes me think this is going to be a ghost town overrun by wolves, but it’s cute. I pass a couple of houses before I find the main street. The street lights are bright and the town seems to be well-lit. It’s quiet, and I’m guessing everyone is asleep, but I should be able to find my way around.