Needs?
What needs?
What are they talking about?
And why do I feel like I just missed out on a huge conversation?
Then, all at once, it seems to hit me. They aren’t killing me now because they’re going to kill me later. They’re going to fatten me up and devour me like a pig. Or maybe they’re going to get me calm and comfortable at their home before they calmly reach out and destroy me.
Is that what they’re going to do?
“Are you going to eat me?” I ask, tensing, and I can’t shake the sudden fear that washes over me.
I don’t want them to eat me.
I want them to turn me.
I don’t want to be devoured by a vampire.
I want to become a vampire.
Being a human has been one of the most horrible experiences of my life. I don’t want that anymore. I want something else, something better.
I want to be powerful and strong and wild the way that they are.
But apparently, my words were the wrong ones to use because Eli steps forward, pushing Matthew aside, and grips me by the throat. Now I’m being tugged in two directions. Benjamin is still gripping my hair, pulling my head back, and now Eli is slowly choking me. He tightens his grip, pulling me closer to him, and I close my eyes.
“Open your fucking eyes,” he barks at me, and I do it, but it’s starting to hurt, and I can’t tell whether I’m scared or aroused or something in-between.
I look up at him, and I can’t read his face.
He doesn’t seem as angry as I thought he would. Instead, he just seems sad: almost lonely, almost disappointed in how I’ve behaved. The thought is incredibly sobering to me, and I instantly hold still. I don’t know
why it’s so important to me that I please these men. I don’t know them, and we don’t have a connection.
“Never ask me that again,” he says. “Never ask any of us that. Do you understand?”
No, I don’t understand.
I don’t understand any of this.
I don’t understand why they’re stealing me away.
I definitely don’t understand why I’m not allowed to ask questions.
I open my mouth, but I can’t speak. No words will come out. He releases me instantly, and I reach for my throat to rub it. He allows me this privilege, and then I nod as much as I can. It’s a lie. I don’t understand his words, and I honestly don’t want to. There is no way in hell I’m going to become some meek, docile little creature who doesn’t say what she thinks.
That’s just now who I want to be.
I’m not exactly the bravest person to ever live. I certainly haven’t always been the most forthcoming or the most creative. I haven’t asked questions as much as I should have in the past, and there are plenty of things about Eagleton I don’t know, but this?
This is my future.
Yeah, I’m going to ask questions.
Benjamin finally releases my hair, and even though my head is aching horribly, and my throat hurts like it’s been burned, I manage to nod a little bit more. They need to see that I can listen to them and obey, even if I don’t feel it in my heart. I’m not ready to die just yet, so I need to do what they want.
For now.