That’s our little secret, and if it’s up to me, it’s something I’m going to take to the grave.
I might be able to tell Frank to get lost, but I’m not going to throw his kid under the bus. Harrison and his father...well, their relationship is their own. It really has nothing to do with me, and I’m not interested in interjecting.
I look at the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves that line the walls of the room. Frank doesn’t deserve a place as wonderful as this. That’s what this office is: fantastically wonderful. He doesn’t deserve this one bit.
He deserves to be locked in a cage. If I had my pick of where he’d be located, that would be it.
But here he sits.
Finally, I look at him. He gestures to the chairs in front of his desk. He’s behind his desk, leaning back in his leather chair. He looks like he owns the place, like he’s never worked a damn day in his life.
“Sit down.”
I don’t fight him. I just move ahead. My legs are numb and seem to move on their own. I find myself sitting in one of the chairs, and I look up at him.
“Weight,” he says.
And this is the moment.
This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.
This is the moment where I decide whether I’m going to keep the status quo or if I’m going to risk it all.
Am I willing to throw away everything to get what I want?
If I tell Frank what I weigh, I’m submitting to his lifestyle regime. I’ll be consenting to this childish game of cat and mouse. I’ll be doing exactly what he wants.
I’ve been paying for the sins of my mother for my entire life. The worst part of all is that now I know my mother is an innocent. She didn’t do anything to Frank except befriend his wife, and that’s something he couldn’t have. He couldn’t deal with someone Lily loved. Lily wasn’t allowed to have people in her life. Not if they weren’t Frank.
So he wants me to pay for that. He wants me to constantly and consistently pay this unbearably high price.
Do I want to keep paying?
I don’t know exactly why he doesn’t like the idea of my mother. Maybe he just hated that Lily had a friend she could confide in. Maybe he dislikes that Lily brought me into their home without consulting him. I don’t know.
But I do know that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life afraid.
The little time I spent with Harrison up in the attic and out in the garden was freeing, and it made me realize something.
I’ve never felt as free as I do when I’m with him. Being around Harrison is fucking fantastic. It’s wonderful. Liberating. When I’m with him, I feel like I’m totally unstoppable. Unbeatable. I feel like I can fly and nothing and no one can stop me.
That’s how I feel.
That’s how I want to keep feeling.
But I have to stand up to Frank, and something tells me that it’s now or never. If I tell him no, if I make this move, then that’s it.
I might not get to finish high school.
I might not get to live here another day.
I might not...
I might be giving up everything.
Can I risk it all for Harrison?
For myself?