COMING TO THE CEMETERY was a stupid idea, but I’ve never been the smartest person. I couldn’t force myself to stay away from Gavin. Like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn to him so much that it hurts me down to my very core.
He’s looking at me like he didn’t know, but how is that even possible?
Didn’t his mom talk to him when his father went away?
Didn’t she tell him that his dad would be back in just a short year?
Mine didn’t.
Because my dad didn’t get that deal.
Nope, when I said goodbye to Daddy, we all knew it was forever. I just didn’t know that my forever had a deadline or that my dad was going to kill himself. I had justified his leaving with the idea that I’d be able to visit him in prison when I wanted to, but that didn’t happen, did it?
Shit.
The look on Gavin’s face says he had no idea this was an issue. How is that possible? Did his mother hide it from him?
“That’s not true,” he finally spits out, and I roll my eyes and get to my feet.
Fine.
Whatever.
I’m not going to sit around and argue with him about it.
Not about this.
Not about something that’s so fucking important.
I guess I know why Gavin has been a dick to me all of these years. He probably thinks it’s my dad’s fault his went to prison. Hell, maybe he even blames his dad’s death on mine. I don’t know and I don’t care. Today was an eye-opener for me. I’ve been putting up with his shit because part of me felt sorry for him, but you know what? He took things too far. He showed that picture to everyone and he didn’t even say he was sorry.
Well, fuck him.
I’m done making excuses for Gavin and I’m done feeling bad for him. I had a fucking asthma attack today because of the stress and if I don’t get my emotions under control, I’ll probably have another one. I’m one of those people whose asthma flares up depending on my emotions, which is one of the reasons it’s so vital that I keep everything in my life in a neat and perfect order.
I need to keep things under control for my health.
I need to keep things under control so I don’t go crazy.
I start walking away from Gavin and I don’t turn around to look back. It’s been five years since our dads were taken away. It’s hard to believe it’s been so long. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that Gavin was kissing me for the very first time.
Rain starts pouring down on me. Crap. I hadn’t been expecting that and I’m definitely not dressed for it. I walked here from the dorms and it’s at least a twenty minute walk back. I’ll be fine, I tell myself. It’s just a little rain.
Whatever.
I feel his hand wrap around my arm, though.
“I’ll give you a ride.”
“Fuck you.”
“We both know I’d love that, but all I’m offering right now is a place for you to stay dry.”
I look up at Gavin. He towers over me now. The last time we kissed – the only time we kissed – he was the same size as me. Neither one of us had started growing yet. Neither one of us had started turning into who we are now.
“I don’t need your pity.”
“Are you fucking crazy?” He asks, and he looks bewildered. “It’s pouring. You can’t walk back like this.”