Chapter Four
Cage
I run.
The sound of my paws against the snow is the only thing I hear.
And I run.
My vision clouds and then clears once again, allowing me to see where I’m moving. Right now, the only thing I think about is getting far away from her.
From them.
From this place.
I didn’t come back to Storm Haven to find out that I was a father. To me, this is brand new information. To Alicia, and apparently, to my mother, this is old news. This is something they’ve known for years.
And they kept it from me.
You kept it from yourself.
My bear chides me, reminding me that I’m the one who chose to leave.
I’m the one who walked away.
I’m the one who didn’t seem to have a care in the world when it came to walking away from them. I left without a second glance back, and what’s worse is that I didn’t miss Storm Haven at all.
Except for her.
Except for the girl with the beautiful eyes.
Now, I’m running again, but this time, I know it’s not going to be forever. The truth is that the first time I ran, I never planned on going back. My dad needed me – at least, he said he did – and I believed him. I trusted my father and he fucked me over. He didn’t want a relationship with me, he wanted a fall guy.
I gave up everything for him, and he screwed me over. I never felt like I was good enough to return to town. I definitely wasn’t good enough to return for her. Alicia was incredible. She still is, apparently. I didn’t miss the way she smelled like sunflowers and honey.
I didn’t miss the way she’s curvier and prettier than she was when I left.
Now, I run in the cold.
I run in the dark.
I run until I’m tired.
Then I push myself a little bit more and force myself to run. My heart hurts, but not from the movements. It hurts because I have a child.
I have a fucking kid and I didn’t know.
How the hell could she have dealt with this on her own?
How could she have done it?
Somehow, Alicia pulled herself up by her bootstraps and she became a mom. I was gone building my writing career at that point, and she was slaving away on her own trying to make a good life for our child.
I should have been there for her.
I should have.
I never should have left. I shouldn’t have run away. I should have stayed and fought for her. I should have fought for us. After everything fell apart with my dad, I should have sucked up my pride and just gone for it. I should have forced myself to make things work.