But there’s another part of me, a different part, that thinks what happened had to happen.
If Greg and Andrew weren’t stopped by me, then they were going to hurt people again. Guys like that never stop. They were out for blood, and they got it. They just didn’t realize they were going to get their own.
“I’ll be back,” I say sadly, and she nods. Without another word, Polly closes the bedroom door, and she leaves me alone in my living room with the two men I destroyed. I need to get the bodies out: bury them or something.
The snow is still falling and swirling around, but I’m not going to stay in my home with them here.
Not with the people who tried to destroy me.
So I leave.
I consider whether I should bury these men who were so evil and terrible, but I decide against it. No, they don’t deserve that. Burying someone shows respect and love. These guys didn’t love anything or anyone but themselves.
Instead, I take the men to a place I know: a cliff.
I throw them off, and then I sit at the top of the cliff for a very long time, and I let myself wallow in my thoughts.
I’m in my bear form, so I’m not cold. The snow doesn’t
bother me when I’m like this. In fact, I love it. I’m so happy with the fact that it’s finally cold and the snow is falling and it’s wrapping itself around me.
It’s like total comfort and complete peace.
But then, as I sit there, I think about everything terrible that has happened to me so recently, and I wonder how I’m going to learn to live with this pain. I know I need to be brave for Brandon and Polly. I get that. I really do. They deserve to have me at my best: not when I’m feeling weak or scared.
The reality is, though, that I do feel scared.
And weak.
And sad.
I failed to keep Alexis safe and I almost failed to keep Polly and Brandon safe.
What kind of bear am I?
What kind of father am I?
I sit on the edge of the cliff for far too long. Finally, I get up and go back to my cabin. I shouldn’t leave Polly and Brandon alone any longer. They’ve been through enough. They don’t need to deal with me worrying.
When I get to the cabin, I stop on the little porch. The door is closed – but barely. When Andrew and Greg kicked it in, they damaged it, but not so badly that it won’t close. I’ll need a new one, but that can wait a day or two. Right now, I’m more concerned about what’s waiting for me on the other side of the door.
When I go through the door, Polly is going to see me for the first time since it happened. What if her impression of me has changed? What if she doesn’t like me anymore? What if she thinks that I made the wrong call?
What if she wants to take my kid and leave?
There’s a little voice in my head whispering that I’m overreacting, so I take a deep breath, shift into my human form, and step inside the cabin.
And she’s there waiting for me.
“Welcome back,” Polly says. She’s standing in the center of the room, and I instantly notice the scent of chemicals: not blood.
“What happened?” I ask, looking around. The entire room looks spotless: pristine. It looks completely clean. Did she...clean?
“I cleaned.”
“Why? You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to,” she says.