It was going to be a huge, wonderful day, but no, I didn’t feel ready. Maybe that was just something that came with being a mom. Maybe you never really felt ready to say goodbye to your kid in that way.
Or maybe something was the matter with me.
“Absolutely,” I lied, pasting a smile on my face.
The truth was that while I was happy for Matthew, I still felt wildly reflective and a little bit sad about the fact that my “baby” was all grown up. This wasn’t like when he moved out or went to college. This wasn’t like when he got his first job.
No, this was something else.
This was something bigger.
I was proud of Matthew. He was a great man and his fiancé, Dora, was a complete sweetheart. Together, the two of them made Bob and I laugh and smile every chance they got. They were getting married tomorrow right here in Ashton. They’d chosen Valentine’s Day as their wedding day.
Predictable and cliché?
A bit.
Still wildly romantic?
Absolutely.
Bob and I shared the exact same anniversary, which made the day even more special. The two of us had chosen to get married on Valentine’s Day because we’d felt like it was a special, wonderful sort of day. We’d believed in true love and happy endings, and we’d wanted the world to know that.
You couldn’t make a bigger demonstration of romance than getting married on Valentine’s Day…could you?
“Liar,” Bob smiled, calling me out. He pushed a strand of hair back from my face. “You’re worried, aren’t you?”
“A little,” I admitted, blushing. It was kind of embarrassing to admit that I was feeling stressed or worried about such a special day.
“Why?”
“It’s a big commitment,” I said.
That much, at least, was true.
Bob watched me, considering me. When he looked at me that way, I knew he was about to ask me a very serious question. It was probably going to be one I didn’t really want to answer. Sure enough, he asked me something difficult.
“Do you regret getting married when we did?”
“No.”
Never.
I had never once regretted marrying Bob. I never could. He was too special. Too important. Too wonderful. He had been by my side through thick and thin. He’d never doubted me.
For some people, marriage felt like a trap. It had never been like that for me and Bob.
“Then why are you worried about Matthew?”
Bob’s question wasn’t mean, but it did put me on the spot a little bit. Why was I worried? Well, because he was my first child, for one thing.
Because it meant saying goodbye to a huge part of my life, for another.
“I don’t want to say goodbye,” I finally told him. That was a safe, comfortable way of wording what was bothering me.
“You aren’t saying goodbye.”
Bob was always so pragmatic about these sorts of things. He always seemed to be so matter-of-fact. I loved that about him, but right now, I also hated it. He didn’t really seem to understand why I might be a little worried about my child going off and getting married.