“It was kind of you to buy it. I’m sure she loved it here.”
“She did. After she left me, though, it was hard to be home. I spent a lot of time at work. I spent way too much time with Foxy,” she rolls her eyes, and I can’t help but laugh at that. Foxy seems a little bit wild, but a little bit wonderful, too.
“And how are you doing now?”
“I have my good days and bad days.”
“Meredith, nobody ever really gets over a painful loss.”
“Like a death.”
“Or a marriage,” I tell her. “I don’t mourn for my ex-wife, but I still think of everything we lost. When you commit to someone in any way, whether it’s to a relative or a friendship or a marriage partner, and you lose that person, you usually lose a little bit of yourself, too.”
“That’s kind of sad.”
“It’s really sad,” I agree.
“So what do you do?” She whispers. She doesn’t sound jealous or upset about the fact that I brought up my ex. This makes me happy because as much as I don’t miss Karen, she was a big part of my life for a long time. Many of my past stories involve her. She was with me when I was in medical school and we had a lot of adventures together. As I move forward with Meredith, I’d like to be able to talk about my past.
I don’t want to have to censor out the stories where Karen was present or involved.
That’s just messy and sloppy.
No, I like the fact that with Meredith, I can be truthful. I like that she knows I was married before, but that she doesn’t really seem to care. That’s important because I don’t have contact with Karen in any way. We’re no longer involved. We don’t share children and no matter what happens going forward, I don’t have any reason to reach out to her.
“I take it one day at a time,” I tell her. “When I first got divorced, sometimes I had to take things one minute at a time.”
“That’s what I did after Mom died. Sometimes it hurt just to breathe. I had to take things in 10-second intervals.”
“And did that work?”
“I’m still here,” she whispers. “I guess it worked.”
“Loss is always messy.”
“So is grieving.”
“I’m sorry you went through this alone,” I tell her. I am, too. There’s a part of me that wishes I had been here with Meredith when her mom passed away. There’s a part of me that feels so very sad she was alone when she went through this.
I can’t change the past, but I can change the future, and right now? Right now, I want to make sure she has a wonderful future. I stand up and I take her hand. Tugging, I pull Meredith to her feet and plant a kiss on her forehead.
“Come on, little wolf. Let’s go to bed.”
Chapter 11
Meredith
By the time Robert and I reach my bedroom, I’m practically shaking with nervousness. I have no reason to be nervous around him. There’s literally nothing I have to be scared or uncomfortable about, but the idea of having him in my bedroom is just thrilling.
“You look nervous,” he smiles.
I push the door open to my bedroom and waltz on in ahead of him.
“About what?” I look back at him. “I don’t have anything to be nervous about.”
“That’s true. I’m very well-behaved,” he says, blinking innocently. “You don’t have to worry about me being a bad boy.”
“Too bad. Maybe I want you to be a bad boy.”