But when I’m with Meredith, and I’m touching her, something inside of me feels different.
Raw.
My bear loves her.
Hell, he craves her.
Seeing her in her wolf form was damn beautiful. It was something I didn’t even realize that I wanted until I was getting it up close. And now I don’t know how I can ever go back to the way things were before.
She wiggles on the grass and looks up at me.
“Robert?” She asks, reaching for me, but I’m not ready for more. Not just yet. Making her come was enough for me, at least this first time. I don’t want to reject her, but there’s a part of me that fully understands once we make love, I’m never going to want to let her go. I’m going to want to mate her, and I don’t know if that’s the right choice here.
“You’re beautiful,” I tell her.
“Come here,” she smiles, and tries again to pull me closer.
“You come to me,” I smile. I reach for her as I get to my feet, and I pull her to hers. She seems a little confused, but not hurt, and I wrap my arms around her. “You were perfect,” I tell her.
She raises an eyebrow.
“Are you done play
ing with me, Mr. Bear?”
“For now,” I press my lips to her cheek.
“Is everything okay?” Her brow furrows. “We didn’t...”
This is the part where I reject her and hope she doesn’t feel hurt or torn. I do not want to make Meredith feel bad in any way. I don’t want her to think that she’s not sexy or that she’s not enough or anything like that.
But I’m going to need some time.
And I’m going to need a little bit of patience from her.
Can she give me that?
“You were perfect,” I tell her again. I can’t emphasize this enough.
“What’s wrong?” She asks gently.
“I’m...”
How do I tell her this?
She was open with me about her fear. She told me about her mom. Am I ready to tell her about my own messy history, though?
Do I really want to tell her?
“I’m divorced,” I finally blurt out. There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?
“So?” She asks, not quite understanding what I’m trying to tell her. “Lots of people are divorced, Robert. I don’t mind.”
“It’s not that I think you’ll mind,” I tell her. “But I haven’t been with anyone since the divorce.”
It sounds a little embarrassing to say out loud. It makes me feel kind of weak, to be honest. What kind of man hasn’t bedded another woman just because he separated? But we were supposed to be life partners, Karen and I. Now that the divorce is final and we’ve gone our separate ways, it feels...
Well, it still feels a little uncomfortable.