got her settled in the spare room’s bed.
“Let me get you a toothbrush,” Pauline told him, and despite his protests that he didn’t need anything, really, she bustled around getting him a toothbrush and some extra towels if he wanted to shower in the morning, and a few other things.
It was so gratifying. Having kids to take care of. She had to try not to let herself get too used to it, in case it was taken right away again.
Though maybe...
Stop it.
Finally, everyone was settled. Carlos came out of the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel. “Kids all settled?”
“All settled,” Pauline confirmed.
He enveloped her in his arms, big and warm and comforting. “Good. Now I can do this.” He kissed her deeply.
Pauline sighed and relaxed into the kiss. It felt so good to let go. “Thank you for dinner,” she said when they broke apart.
“My pleasure. It felt good to cook for you. And Drew. Like we’re starting to make a home together.”
Pauline blinked, her eyes stinging with tears.
“Hey,” Carlos said tenderly, one hand coming up to brush her cheek. “What is it?”
“I just—I just want this so much,” Pauline whispered. “All of this. You, and Drew, and Troy and Val, all together, eating dinner and putting the kids to bed—all of it—”
“You’re going to get it.” Carlos’ voice was confident. His eyes had a determined fire in them. “I’m going to make sure you have this, Pauline.”
“It’s not just about me—”
“Not just for you.” He took her hands, kissed the knuckles of each. “For me, because I never knew I wanted a family this much, but seeing that kid struggle so hard—I want to help him. I want to be there for him, to show that he can be a good man and a good provider without all this hardship and pain. To help the little kids grow up into a good man and a good woman. And because I think that you and me—we’re the best thing for them.”
“I think so, too,” Pauline said fiercely. Faced with Carlos’ warm confidence, her anxiety seeped away, replaced by determination. “And we’re going to do everything we can to make it happen.”
He kissed her again. “We are.”
***
The next morning, Pauline had a message from Mavis telling her to drop the kids off with Stella and Nate whenever they needed to. She told Drew over breakfast, while she was giving a sleepy Val milk and Cheerios. The milk was in a big-girl cup, so there was a lot of supervision required.
“Want to go hang out with Eva today?” Drew asked Troy, who had woken up cranky and upset to be in a strange house, and was scowling into his cereal.
The little boy brightened immediately. “Can I play her Nintendo DS?”
“I bet you can,” Drew said.
Pauline quickly texted Stella to make sure her daughter would also be home today, and received an affirmative.
She’s worried about Drew, Stella added. They’re good friends. Do you know if he’s okay?
That’s what we’re trying to make sure of today, Pauline texted back. Which wasn’t the most reassuring, she knew, but it was what she had.
Getting all the kids out the door was an adventure. Val had a tantrum because she wanted to stay and toddle all around the strange house exploring, and being told she was going to another, bigger house that she could explore even more didn’t help.
Pauline buckled her into her car seat as she screamed and thought to herself, Even this. Even tantrums. She wanted it all.
She didn’t fool herself that she’d be welcoming the tantrums with open arms, but the thought that she might be a person that Val reached for, as instinctively as she was reaching for Drew right now, hoping for rescue from the cruel prison of the car seat...
Well. She wanted to be that refuge.