He took it—Stella was startled to see how small it looked in his big hand—and led the way back to the front room, turned on the light. Drew the curtains, so that no one would be able to look in and see them.
He paused at the couch, made up with its blankets and pillows, and then sat down decisively. Stella considered taking a chair for about half a second before she sat down next to him.
The blankets made the couch, an old and somewhat ornate piece of furniture, cozier than she'd ever thought of it before. The cheerful yellow lamplight, the steaming hot tea in her hands, and the presence of Nate next to her, warm and alive, all worked to dispel any lingering chill from the nightmare. Stella relaxed into the couch and smiled.
“So what adventure would you go on next?” Nate asked, settling himself into the opposite side. “If practicalities were no object at all.”
“Oh,” Stella sighed. “If I didn't have to worry about money, if Eva could take time off school and just come with me? I'd travel the world.”
A smile spread over Nate's face. “Anywhere in specific?”
“Everywhere!” Stella said, grinning. “The only foreign country I've ever been to is Canada, and that's right next door to Glacier. I'd love to see—oh, anything. Singapore, Dubai, Peru, Vienna. Morocco. New Zealand. Moscow. Thailand. The Great Wall of China. All of it.” And draw it all. She had books and books full of Montana mountains, and nothing else. She wanted to go somewhere where she didn’t even know what colors to use to paint the landscape.
“That's a tall order,” Nate said seriously.
“Oh, I know. I don't think it'll happen anytime soon. But maybe someday. After Eva's out of college.”
“Does she know where she's going to go?”
Stella sighed again, but this time it wasn't the blissful sigh of imagination. It was reality sinking back in. “Right now her dream is MIT. And she's so smart, I'm sure she'll get in. But I don't even want to think about how expensive it'll be. I can't afford something like that.”
“She could probably get loans,” Nate said tentatively.
“It would still be the same amount of money to pay off,” Stella said. “I—I work as a waitress. I can't make anything like that.”
“If she graduates from MIT, I bet she could get a job that paid well enough to take care of it on her own,” Nate pointed out.
Stella clutched her tea. “But—I'm her mom. I'm supposed to be able to do it. I want to do it.”
“Well, maybe she'll get a full tuition scholarship and you won't have to worry about it at all,” Nate said.
Stella laughed. “I hope so. If anyone deserves it, it's her. And I don't ever want to tell her that no, she has to go to a little, cheap school because that's all her mom can afford.” She sighed. “She deserves better. Even if it's going to take her thousands of miles away.”
“Do you have more adventures planned for when she's gone?” Nate asked, sipping his tea, blue eyes crinkling over the top of the mug. “Right now, it seems like you're holding off for her sake.”
Stella shook her head. “No, I'm going to be working my butt off for tuition money, remember? I can do that for four years. God forbid she decides to go to graduate school, though.”
Nate shook his head. “Stella, I can't believe you'd ever think you aren't a good enough mom. Sitting here, it seems like all you care about is that Eva be happy.”
“That's the first thing I care about,” Stella corrected. “There are other things. Just...that one's first.”
“You're making me wish I had children,” Nate said quietly. “I don't know what it's like to care about another person in such an—all-consuming way.” He smiled a little. “Although I don't know how well I'd handle the crying and hand-holding and time-outs and so on. I had enough of that sort of thing dealing with Marine recruits.”
He said it so deadpan that Stella didn't realize it was a joke at first. Then she burst out laughing. “Eva's always been a really good kid,” she managed. “I mean, there was some whining and time-outs, because there is for every kid, but she was always really easy. Even now.”
“She's almost the age of a Marine recruit, and I can tell you she's head and shoulders above a lot of eighteen-year-olds I knew, in terms of maturity,” Nate said thoughtfully.
“I don't think she'd make it in the Marines, though,” Stella said. “Too independent.”
Nate was quiet for a long minute, and then he said, “I'm glad. I wouldn't want to think of her putting herself in danger, over there. MIT's a much better choice.”
Stella's heart was seized with something difficult to describe, at that. Nate being protective of Eva...it was like he'd reached straight into her chest.
Suddenly unable to bear the distance between them, she scooted over on the couch a bit. Just to be a little nearer.
“What about you?” she asked impulsively. “If practicality were no object. What sort of adventure would you go on?”
She’d startled him, she could see. His brows came together, and he thought about it for a long time.