“What’s wrong?” he asked softly.
But before she could answer, one of the servers came over and they had to order. Ken hadn’t even glanced at the menu, but he just asked for a burger, medium-rare. Lynn had the same, and then they were looking at each other again.
“I’m used to being on my own,” Lynn began. “I’m not used to the idea that a person might—stick around for a while. I had to accept that a long time ago. To understand that for me, personal connections had always been temporary. That they probably always would be.”
“I’m not going to leave,” Ken said instantly, and his voice rang with his own conviction. He knew it was true, down to his very bones.
“I can’t tell if I’m afraid to believe you, or afraid to disbelieve you,” Lynn said on an airless laugh. “I just know I’m afraid.”
Ken reached across the table, his hand open. Lynn’s hands were hidden below the tabletop, so he waited.
Lynn stared at it. “I don’t know how you do that,” she said finally, as she slowly brought up one hand and rested it in his, twining their fingers together.
He frowned. “Do what?”
“Put yourself out there like that,” she said softly. “Make an offer and wait, without knowing what the response will be.”
Ken looked at their hands. “You responded, didn’t you?”
“But what if I hadn’t?”
“Then I would’ve asked you why not, and we would’ve talked about it. Maybe some traumatic hand-holding experiences in your past?” He tried for a grin.
There was the tiniest quirk of her mouth in response. Ken felt a surge of warmth, and decided right then that making his mate smile was going to be an ongoing, lifelong project for him.
“That sounds so simple,” she said. “I don’t know why the idea seems so scary to me.”
“I’m pretty sure I do,” he said.
She raised her eyebrows. “You do?”
“It’s like in combat. You know you’re safer when you’re behind cover. If you have…” He waved a hand. “A big berm, and your Humvee, and maybe some body armor, between you and the open air, then you can think, hey, if something bad happens, at least I’ve got all this protection around me. But if you’re just out in the open, in the middle of the road with nothing around, then if someone attacks, you’re toast. It’s the same when you make yourself vulnerable to someone you care about.”
Lynn shook her head. “But this isn’t combat. I shouldn’t feel like that when no one’s attacking me. I’m not in danger.”
“We’re both in danger,” Ken said quietly. “That’s what happened when I put my hand out, without knowing if you’d take it. I put myself in danger. In danger of having to show that I wanted to hold your hand, and learning that you didn’t want to. And sometimes the brain thinks that’s just as bad as being in danger of violence. If not worse.”
“Worse,” Lynn said quietly. Thoughtfully.
“I’d much, much rather face a big, strong guy—big, strong guy, I’m talking like the Rock here—and also he’s a shifter, right, something huge. A gorilla shifter.”
There was that quirk of Lynn’s mouth again. Ken loved the sight of it.
“—I’d rather the Rock, if he was a gorilla shifter, come after me with everything he had, really do some serious damage, than learn that you didn’t want to hold my hand. Okay? That would be worse.”
“Worse than a gorilla-shifting Rock.” Lynn’s voice was dubious.
“Way, way worse,” Ken said seriously.
Now Lynn had a little frown between her eyebrows, thinking. Ken wanted to kiss that line, just press his lips to it and see if he could make her smile again.
“I guess I didn’t think about it as going both ways,” she said finally. “Are you telling me you’re afraid, too?”
“Big, strong men who could take on the Rock as a gorilla shifter are never afraid.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Utterly terrified,” he admitted, and some sincerity crept into his voice without his permission.