So he let Lynn go, trusting her to come back.
And, truth be told, he understood why she needed to be alone for a bit.
Because, mates. Now that the initial euphoria was receding enough to allow for other thoughts, Ken’s brain was becoming one big question mark.
Mates. At his age. It was insane.
And it wasn’t just his age. He’d spent his entire life demonstrating that he wasn’t the sort of man to be a good mate to anyone. Drifting from woman to woman, having fling after fling, nothing serious. Sometimes just good sex, and sometimes not even that—he was always happy to go out on a date or two, show a woman a good time, make her laugh, kiss her at the end of the night and leave it at that if she didn’t want any more.
That sort of life was totally incompatible with even the idea of mates. Committing his whole self to one person, putting her needs above his own, bending his life to fit around hers—
Well, the only thing in his life that had ever had that privilege was the Marine Corps.
And even that had started more as a way to get away from his family than anything else. Over time, he’d learned the rewards of devoting himself to something bigger than just him. He’d learned what it was like to forge bonds with people. People like Cal, and the rest of his old unit. Seeing his old buddies Nate, Carlos, and Ty at Cal’s wedding had reignited that connection. Reminded him that he wasn’t as much of a loner as he sometimes thought.
But there was a big difference between the kind of bond you forged with a wartime buddy and the kind you had with the woman who was your mate.
Could he do this? Was he even capable of it? Those seemed like the big questions he should be asking.
The problem was, he was so sure he knew the answer. Yes, his entire body screamed. Yes, his lion said with absolute confidence. Yes. After all, there was nothing else Ken had to distract his attention. Only his job, and he’d taken the job so he could be outside and active. If they wouldn’t post him to Glacier permanently, he could quit and do something else. Anything else, really, if he was living up here.
Maybe Lynn would take him on at her guide business. It sounded like she had more clients than she could handle.
The idea of Lynn as his boss made him smile. He was sure she was as no-nonsense in the office as she’d been with him at first. She probably had everything organized to a T, and made sure every client went away satisfied.
And Ken would be happy to work for her. Or to work somewhere else, and come home to her every night. To go running with her in the mountains, to sleep curled up together in the wilderness. To sleep in her bed, wherever that was. He wondered where she lived—a house or an apartment? Probably a house, in a small town like this. He couldn’t wait to see it.
That Yes was still pulsing inside his chest, a sure and certain drum.
He was going to trust it. And if it turned out to be optimistic, well, no matter how many jokes he made, Ken had always been a hard worker and a fast learner. He’d never done anything like this before, never been in any kind of serious relationship, but he could do it now.
For his mate.
***
Lynn went through her early client meetings in a daze. It was lucky she’d guided hundreds of people down the trails she was using, or she would’ve been completely incoherent with them. But the well-practiced speeches on topography, history, and plant and animal life fell off her tongue with almost no input from her brain.
Her brain, meanwhile, was screaming Mate, you left your mate back there! Go back and find him!
But underneath that, there was this impossible-to-ignore well of uncertainty and doubt. Not of Ken in particular. Lynn had no reason to doubt him, nothing that made her think he wouldn’t be a good mate.
But she’d been completely alone for so long. And her family had all left her, through disappearance or death.
Partway through the day, she realized that it wasn’t just uncertainty she was dealing with. It wasn’t thoughts that she needed to process, it wasn’t just the newness of the whole idea of having a mate.
That was real. That was there, but it wasn’t anywhere near strong enough to stand up to the pulse of joy she felt whenever she thought of Ken.
No. This was plain old fear.
More than fear, even—almost panic. There was a deep, old knowledge inside her: that anyone she loved would leave before long. Her parents hadn’t stuck around long enough for her to know them. Her sister had left long ago, and right afterwards, when Lynn had needed her most, her grandmother had succumbed to a heart attack.
She couldn’t blame
her mother or grandmother, of course; they hadn’t chosen to die, and if there’d been another option, they would’ve taken it. Her father and her sister…well, she could blame them, but she’d found it better to put her energies elsewhere.
But she couldn’t forget.
Even if she didn’t think about it much anymore, even if she was able to live her life without feeling lonely, most of the time…