I rubbed my forehead with my hand, trying not to feel impatient. I was trying, why couldn’t she?
“I know what it feels like to face death. I know what it feels like to lose someone you love.”
Lilly froze, her dark green eyes filling with tears. “Really? What happened?”
I threw my napkin on the coffee table. Man, was I going to talk about this? I looked at Lilly’s desperate face. Yeah, I guess I was.
“Remember when you asked me about my family? Well, I wasn’t completely honest.” I felt my face warm. “Yeah, I know. No surprise, right?” I walked over to the fireplace and pulled the screen back and poked the fire. “My brother Slate just left to college, he had gone ahead of us a few days. He had tryouts for the athletics department that he couldn’t miss. We drove up, just the three of us, my father, his wife and me. Dad was tired so I offered to drive. It was rainy, the roads were slick and it just happened. The SUV hit a puddle of water and I lost control of the wheel. We flipped a few times. Dad was killed right away but my stepmother was okay, although she blames me for what happened. I think my brother does too, although he’s too polite to say it to my face. My sister, well, she loves me no matter what I do.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Lilly sat next to me, her hand reaching for mine. I tried not to be aroused by her touch but it was a losing battle.
“I knew some CPR and I tried to save him but I couldn’t. He had too much trauma to his chest, bleeding internally; it wasn’t apparent. He was tired and sleeping in the back seat.” I could see the scene again. I shook myself. “I knew then I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to help people. But it wasn’t until I discovered that I had a knack for surgery that I decided to get into cosmetic surgery. You know, people think it is all breast jobs and face lifts but there is more to it than that.”
She gave me a little smile and squeezed my hand. She toyed with the matchbox with her other hand. I don’t think she was nervous, merely thoughtful.
“I have been a basket case today. I apologize for that. I know that this is not what you had in mind, but it wasn’t anything I planned either. I try not to think about my past, I don’t like thinking about it. After the accident, the one I was in, my doctor diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I took medi
cation for a few months but over time, I learned how to deal with it. When that happened today, when the bear was on top of me, all I could think was, ‘Now I’m going to die and I deserve it.’ I kind of wanted to—I know that sounds crazy. I feel crazy!” She gathered her beautiful hair in her hands and twisted it over her left shoulder. “I did not die the first time but they did. Now it was my turn. You know, like they say, Death comes for us all.”
“Lilly, you are young and beautiful and talented. You have so much to live for—I know it hurts but you can’t think like that. You have to keep on going, find a way to cope. Don’t go looking for death, Lilly. It will come eventually.” I felt stupid offering advice knowing what a pig I had been to her. Thankfully, she didn’t make fun of me. “I did not kill my father, it was an accident. These things just happen.”
The flames reflected off her hair and her golden skin. She was beautiful, even if she had been crying. Quietly, I asked her, “What happened to you? Do you want to talk about it?”
Lilly’s green eyes softened and she gave me a spontaneous kiss on my lips. How do I respond to this? What did she want me do? I did the opposite of what I wanted. I wanted to scoop her up and smother her in kisses, ravish her again in front of the fire but I didn’t. This moment was more important than that.
“Thank you for telling me the truth. I know that took a lot to open up like that.” I ignored the desires of my body and smiled at her. I was in unchartered territory but I liked it, in a weird sort of way.
Chapter Five
Lilly
I woke up with a cramp in my shoulder but with a happy heart. Bullet and I had talked into the night and finally passed out on the couch together. At some point, he must’ve pulled the thick white throw over our bodies because the fire was long gone and it was cold in the cabin. Immediately I knew that I felt better today than I had yesterday. I could think clearly and didn’t feel those raw emotions lingering under my skin. I sat up carefully to avoid waking him. He was handsome, awake or asleep. I loved his square jaw and his full lips. He was not girly pretty — Bullet was all man. While I stared I saw him smile a little.
“Like what you see?” He teased me in a soft voice.
“Sadly, yes.” Bullet pretended to look offended and I tapped his arm playfully. He reached for my hand and pulled me to him. There I was, my body stretched over him, Bullet’s obvious desire between us.
“I cannot pretend that I don’t want you, Lilly. Don’t you want me too? I mean we did spend the night together, right?”
I didn’t answer him. Instead I kissed him slowly, showing him exactly how I felt. If we were going to make love, it was going to be on my terms, my way. Bullet’s hands gently stroked my arms and rubbed the satin nightgown excitedly. I did not make him wait for long. I sat up on my knees slightly and pulled my nightgown up. Without being asked, Bullet slid down his pants. “Oh Lilly. You are so beautiful.” His hands eased my straps down so he could feel my breasts. I knew that he loved them; I mean he told me that more than once. I felt desirable and sexy and totally in control. I put my hands in his and leaned forward pinning him to the couch. My hips eased up and down slowly; I enjoyed watching the pleasure on his face. I could tell he wanted to use his hands but I whispered to him, “No! Let me do this!”
He did. Soon my hips moved faster and faster until we both reached our crescendo. I released Bullet’s hands and he pulled me to him holding me tight. He groaned loudly and kissed my neck whispering my name again and again. I felt empowered and happy. We cuddled for a few minutes and then I popped up. “I am going to get a shower. You said that ferry comes at three?”
“Yes, but I want to talk to you about that,” he said dressing himself and folding the blanket. “It is okay if you say no, but think about it before you do. I was wondering if you might consent to staying a few more days. I understand you have a schedule for school but I would like it very much.” He sat on the couch and put his head in his hands rubbing his hair. He peered up at me looking embarrassed. “I screwed up. I’ll admit that. I would like a chance to make it up to you. What you say?”
I pulled my robe closer around me. Boy, it was chilly in here. Did I want to spend a few more days with this man? “When you say spend time together, what do you mean? Like sex or are we going to get to know one another?” I was not in favor of being Bullet’s booty call for two more days.
“Both! I would like both. But if that is not possible then at least the latter. I’m willing to go out on a limb here and say that I like you and not just because you’re beautiful and smart and fun to be with. I don’t understand it. I just thought maybe. Period.”
“Okay!” I gave him a big smile. “But won’t that be a problem for you? I mean don’t you have patients that will be waiting on you? I would hate to mess you up.”
“I do not have any surgeries until the end of the week and the clients that I do have at the first part are pretty forgiving. If I call Page now, I’m sure she can work it out. So if we came back Tuesday, that would give me plenty of time to get all my appointments in before Friday surgeries.” My eyes widened; he was really into this.
“Well, okay then. It sounds great. I will email my professors and give Kate a call. I’m sure that will be okay.”
Bullet looked pleased. He had a big grin on his face. He stood up and stretched, showing off his muscular frame. Stop that! You know you are ridiculously hot. “Since we are going to stay in the cabin a few more days we’ll need to go into town to pick up a few supplies. Are you ready for that? I mean are you feeling better?”
“That sounds perfect. I would love to check out the town. I guess we would have to go tomorrow since the ferry only runs once today.” We walked up the stairs together.