Who had let me talk myself into this? I knew it would all be worth it in the end, but I was ready for it to be over. It was still hot outside, I could make the most of it before school started again and I knew that it had been the right move for me and what I wanted to do.
I could still be bitchy about it. It was still hard. It had still been a sacrifice.
I didn’t even have plans for the few weeks that I would have off of school. All I wanted was to be off. Treating myself to a trip probably wouldn’t be out of order, but I needed to make financial decisions like that when I wasn't highly caffeinated and about to take a test.
"It's finally over," Tiffany said dramatically as we walked towards our classes.
"Almost. Don't jinx it while we're on the home stretch," I laughed.
"Has this semester been longer than the regular ones?"
"No. The days are so long these now it just feels like it has," I reflected. She giggled.
"I can't wait to finish. I'm never doing this again," she said. I'd hold her to that next year when she was a junior.
"Any plans for the last days of summer?"
"Sleep. So much sleep," she sighed. "Nothing else, really. You?" I shrugged, thinking the same thing. I could hold off planning anything till I was really home and free.
"I talked to Roman yesterday," she said.
I paused, feeling my chest tighten slightly. I thought about him every day. Every single day. It would just surprise me when other people brought him up because they, unlike me, were most likely talking to him. That meant they had updates – something I was thirsty for, but didn't want to ask him for myself. I had taken myself out of his life so he could focus on football. That didn't mean I could resist when he came up.
"Yeah? How is he?" I asked casually.
"Great. He likes it over there. He sounded like he's getting on really well."
"That's good to hear."
"I thought so, too. I want to worry about him, then I remember he spent a year in Afghanistan."
"I'd say Afghanistan and Miami are pretty different scenes."
"Yeah. In Miami, all he has to deal with women, money, and scandal," she said lightly, then looked at me. "Sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that."
"That's okay. It's true," I choked out. Roman was happy. If part of the reason why was he was meeting other girls then that was a good thing. I tried to be happy for him and failed. Whatever I was, I couldn't be mad. He didn't owe me anything. I told him to get out of my life and never speak to me again. He could date whoever he wanted.
"I mean, we don't talk about that stuff. I just assume. He hasn't actually mentioned anything like that."
"Tiff, it's fine," I said. "I'm just happy to hear that everything is working out. This was what I wanted for him in the first place, and he's getting it."
"Yeah. I guess it is," she said. I didn't ask whether he had said anything about me. I wanted to know, obviously. I wanted to know everything, but that didn't matter. I knew the most important thing which was he was doing well. That alone meant I had made the right decision breaking it off so he could leave.
We split when it was time to do our tests. After grabbing lunch off campus with Tiffany after, I drove home.
I thought about what I would cook that night, but scrapped that plan immediately. Takeout, under a blanket, watching television sounded like the only real way that today would end. Maybe I'd get some wine to celebrate a semester well spent. Why not. Tonight I'd go to bed knowing that I had nothing that I had to do tomorrow.
I had missed that feeling. I loved feeling the accomplishment I would feel when I did something well for school, but the relief at being free for the next few weeks was trumping that at the moment. I passed by the store and bought a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers because now I wouldn't be so stressed out that I forgot to water them and went home. I took my time, taking the stairs up to my apartment.
I wasn't sure what I was looking at when I saw it. I slowed down, trying to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was. It was different from the last two I had found. This one was a gift box, pink with a bow on it, similar to the one that he had given my necklace to me in. I mean, if it was him who had left it behind at all. I didn't know that. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but my mind couldn't help connecting the dots for me as I ripped the lid from it.
Inside was a single sheet of plain paper, with writing on one side. I stopped because I needed to slow down. I was getting ahead of myself. Confirming what I already thought was true was both harrowing and exciting.
Was it really? Of course it was, who the hell else would leave something like that for me on my doorstep? He had done it before and if this was him again...
I stopped myself and took a deep breath. I picked the note out of the box, reading the neat, black print.
The usual spot. Noon tomorrow. See you there.