“Ava,” Brian squeezed my hand again. “It’s not that simple. You can’t just intellectualize abuse and expect that the experience will disappear. Dominic did a number on you and you’re still trying to recover from it. Granted, you’re doing a damn sight better than most people, but you’re
still suffering.”
“I’m not suffering!” I shouted. “It was my stupid fault that I got into the situation in the first place!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” he demanded.
“I mean, I started dating Dominic to get back at my parents, so it’s my fault that I ended up with a psychopathic lunatic!”
“You can’t actually believe that,” he said solemnly.
“What other explanation is there for it?” I asked. I was pissed at him for lecturing me and for trying to upend my own logical explanation for what had happened and how it had happened.
“Ava, you didn’t invite a psychopathic lunatic into your life,” he said calmly. “You fell for a guy who manipulated your feelings and abused your body until you didn’t know which end was up. That wasn’t your fault. Psychopaths don’t have a conscience like normal people, so they don’t operate within the same rules as people with a conscience. That’s not your fault.”
“But if I hadn’t been so stubborn and tried to rebel against my parents…” I trailed off.
“That has nothing to do with it either,” he said. “Millions of kids rebel against their parents every day, but that doesn’t mean that they are responsible for the behavior of people like Dominic or that they deserve to be abused because they rebelled.”
“But I made the choice!” I yelled.
“Yes, but you made the choice based on the faulty information fed to you by a person who was looking to manipulate and abuse you,” he said quietly. “You’re not responsible for his reprehensible behavior.”
I angrily pulled away from him and buried my face in my hands as I began to sob quietly. When he reached up to touch my shoulder, I shrunk back, and he withdrew his hand.
“It’s okay, Ava,” he whispered. “You’re safe now. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“I’m never going to feel normal again!” I sobbed.
“No, you probably won’t,” he agreed. “But you’re strong and you have a bright spirit that can withstand just about anything, so you’re going to be okay. I promise. It’s just going to take time.”
“How do you know?” I wept.
“I just do,” he replied as he looked out the window. Then he turned back and asked, “What did your parents think of him?”
“I told you, they never met him,” I said.
“Oh, that’s right. You did tell me that, but why didn’t they meet him?”
“They’re always too busy to be bothered,” I replied. “They drop me off places and then they jet off to whatever meeting or vacation they have planned and forget that I exist until they need me for some publicity campaign or someone makes them feel guilty about ignoring their only child. It’s pretty predictable, really.”
“You’re not serious,” he said.
“Dead serious. They just don’t care about what I do until it affects them,” I said. “The only reason that my father hired you is because he’s testing the waters to see if he should run for Congress and he didn’t want the psycho ex-boyfriend of his only daughter to mess up his polling numbers. If he decides not to run, I’m sure he’ll fire you quicker than you can say boo.”
“C’mon, your dad can’t be that bad,” he said.
“Oh, he’s worse,” I replied. “He doesn’t do anything for anyone unless he can see how it benefits him.”
“Well, as long as I’m on the payroll, I’ll do everything I can to ensure you’re safe,” he said.
“And when you’re not on it anymore?” I asked.
“I’ll stick around and make sure you are safe,” he replied as he put his arm around me.
I nodded and then looked away.
*****