I had arrived back in the States in the late afternoon. I had never flown first class before and it had been quite an experience. After that level of service, respect, and luxury, I definitely wanted to do it again. The next time, however, I would foot the bill for it myself. I didn't want anyone paying my way. Since I had the rare luxury of free time while all the new computers were set up at the office and all the data restored from the cloud backup, I figured I should see Ed since I hadn't seen him for nearly two weeks. Maybe he could help me decipher all the mixed emotions I was dealing with.
My mind was like a revolving door, and Asher was stuck in it going around and around. He had messaged me on Sunday, and he'd seemed to try to express what came across as genuine feelings of affection for me—but part of me just couldn't shake the suspicion that I might be yet another notch on the bedpost.
I kept thinking back to how hard I'd once fallen for Jacob. Or rather, how hard I'd let myself fall for another man. Because that was it, wasn't it?
Jacob hadn't forced me to fall in love with him. Sure he'd been charming, good looking, and suave. He'd certainly made it easy to fall in love with him. But looking back, I also remembered there was a time when I questioned him. There was a tiny gut feeling that I’d ignored. I distinctly remember the moment where I'd thought to myself, You're falling for this guy. Are you sure this is a wise thing to do?
I gave in to it then. I ignored my gut feeling, abandoned my logic, and gave myself—heart and soul—to this man who'd seemed perfect in most every way.
I'd blinded myself to reality, to his faults, to all the blaring red flags that anyone else would have seen. In truth, some of my friends did see them. I just rationalized them.
What did it leave me with? Heartbreak—a month before our wedding.
I hadn't thought I'd ever even consider opening myself up to another man again, trusting again, or loving again. All of my faith in love had been shattered, crushed beneath the heels of an empty soul who took my heart and kicked it out into the street, then stomped all over it before walking off laughing.
I shook my head. I had to get my mind off things of the past.
I took out my phone, pulled up Eddie's name in my contacts, and gave him a call.
“Hey, Eddie.”
“Hey, sis, how was your trip to Paris?”
“Pretty damn amazing, actually.”
I didn't want to talk about Asher or what had happened between Asher and I. So if Eddie asked, I'd just brush it off and switch topics. After all, aside from what had been going on in my head, I had actually had a great time in Paris. Even if I’d had to do most of the exploring alone—I had to tell someone about the art, culture, and history I'd had the chance to take in. I knew Eddie had been there a few times to play shows with his band, so he would be a great person to talk to about it, without having the thought of Asher hovering over me all the while.
“Cool, cool. I wonder how it's changed since I was last there?”
“Well, do you wanna get a beer and we can talk about it? And, I'll show you the pics I took.”
“Sounds great! I've got a couple photos on this phone, actually. We can compare pics and stories. See you at McGinty's in an hour?”
“Sounds good. See you then.”
***
“So, how cool was the Louvre? How much time did you get to spend walking around it?” Eddie asked, smiling as he flipped through the photos I'd taken on my phone.
“It was seriously breathtaking. I mean, I walked around it for a couple of hours, but it felt like only five minutes.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. I think I spent a whole afternoon their last time I was in Paris. Just wandered around from around lunch time until a security guard came and kicked me out at closing time.”
“I'll have to go back again. I didn't get to see nearly enough of it.”
“You will have to. And hopefully billionaire boy will foot the bill again, huh?”
So far, we'd managed to avoid talking about Asher, but without even mentioning his name, Eddie had brought a flood of memories rushing through my head.
“Yeah,” I said, somewhat half-heartedly. “I probably will end up going back for another meeting, I think.”
“So, how's old Asher doing, huh?”
“He's, uh, he's good.”
Eddie handed my phone back to me and frowned before taking a swig of his beer.
“Really? I know that tone. Something doesn't seem right about this.”