*
“Here we are.” I held Molly’s hand as I stopped outside the little park where my father and I would visit from time to time.
“It’s beautiful.” She released my hand and walked toward the large rock my dad would help me climb up. “Wow. Look at this mammoth.”
“It was my father’s thinking rock.” I motioned for her to join me near that back of it. “There’s a place to walk up the rock back here. My dad used to hoist me up here, and we’d talk for hours.” My heart ached in my chest.
“You miss him?” She joined me at the back of the rock and walked up the little, chiseled stairs to sit on the flat part near the top.
“Sometimes I do.” I reached over and ran my hand over her thigh before taking her hand into mine. “He was my rock when I needed one.”
“And when was that?” She scooted closer and cuddled up to my side. The park wasn’t too far from the office, and in the past, I would have been worried about someone coming by and seeing us being a little too affectionate, but I let it go. I wanted to be a different man for Molly. I wanted to be open and willing to love with abandonment.
“When my mum went through her rough times.” I squeezed her hand, knowing that it was time to open up about the shit with my mum. “My father worked a lot, like all the time, and my mom was lonely. She started sleeping around when I was in s
eventh year in school or something like that.”
“And you knew she was sleeping around?”
“We all knew.” I glanced down toward our hands. “It was expected to some degree because my father was really married to the company. It’s one of the main reasons why I haven’t pursued relationships in my life. I have a huge commitment to his company, which is now mine. If I had a sibling or someone that I could share the responsibility with, it would be better, or maybe at least a little easier.”
“I think you can find the right people to work with and for you to help spread that burden, but keep going. Please.” She leaned over and pressed her cheek to my shoulder, not forcing me to look her in the face, and I bared my soul. I was grateful for the small mercy.
“Mum became abusive a few years later when her affairs didn’t fill the emotional need inside of her, and she blamed my father and me.”
“You?” Molly jerked back, her voice angry. “Why you?”
“Easy target.” I shrugged. “She told me over and over that I was the reason for their problems, and if I hadn’t been born, then she could have just left my father and started over. And she was probably right. She stayed for me, but sadly enough, she came to hate me because of having to stay.”
“She didn’t have to stay.” Molly reached over and touched my cheek, forcing me to look at her.
“I know that.” I cupped my hand over hers and kissed her palm softly. “I’m healed from all of this, Molly. I just want you to know who you’re dealing with and why I might be a little hesitant at times.”
“I just want you to be you.” She moved closer and kissed my shoulder.
“Mom killed herself after a huge fight between all three of us one night when I was in high school.” I let out a long sigh. “Dad and Logan know the story, of course, but I’ve never shared it with anyone else. I suffered for years after that because she reamed me good before going in the bathroom and cutting her wrists. It was me who tried to hold her skin together as she died.” I got choked up. I always did when I thought about her dying in my arms.
“Alfie. That’s horrible. No one should have that burden.” Molly moved to her knees and put her arms around me, pulling me in close as she hugged me. “You’re not the reason for all of their problems. Surely you know that.”
“I do.” I glanced up and slid my hand into the back of her hair. “I just wanted you to understand what happened and why I’ve pushed love away my whole adult life. I didn’t want a repeat of my father’s life.”
“And you won’t have one.” She kissed me softly and brushed her nose past mine. “Just let me in, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay.”
“Why is that, Mol? Why are you here to stay?” It was shitty of me, but I needed to hear it. I needed to know that she loved me.
She moved back just a little and smiled. “Because I love you.”
“Good. I love you too.” I pulled her into my lap and kissed her until we heard kids snickering below. It felt good to get my past off my chest, to share it with the woman I loved.
It was the first step in healing and binding us together.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Molly
We spent the night before watching old movies and eating everything in the house. It was almost like I’d found more than a lover in Alfie. I’d found a best friend and a partner. He opened up about some of the specifics with his mom and dad.
My heart hurt for most of the night, and I found myself lying awake until the early morning, just simply holding him. Everything about the future felt so open and alive again, like nothing could stop me. I belonged in Europe, and I belonged with Alfie. Funny how things worked out.