"But it's not what you wanted."
"I want you to be happy," she said, walking past me into the bathroom. I heard the water running and the sound of her brushing her teeth.
It was getting real now. We couldn't pretend that my life in LA didn't exist anymore. I didn't want it to end either, but she was a lot more upset about what was happening than I was.
I walked over to the bathroom doorway, looking at her reflection in the mirror.
"Come with me," I said. She was patting her face dry with a towel. She turned to look at me.
"Come with you where?"
"To LA. This doesn't have to end when I have to go. You can come with me. We can stay together."
"I can't leave the island, Nate."
"Why not?"
"I've built a life here. I have no real family left; the people here are my family. There's a reason why I came to Lanai and not Oahu or the Big Island. Nobody knows about what happened to me here. They know me as Abby Terrell; they have no idea that I'm that girl from Texas — and I need it that way. I can't be back in a place where everyone wants something from me because they know about my past."
"We can get a place outside LA, and I can just go for work," I said. She shook her head.
"We have different homes, and that's okay," she said. "It's not over yet; let's not worry about what we can't change. I don't want to spend the rest of the time we have together worrying," she said. She walked over and kissed me on the cheek before leaving.
How long has this been on her mind? I thought. Obviously longer than it had been on mine. I was the one leaving her after all. Why didn't she want to come with me, though?
There was long distance, I guess, but that wouldn't have been the same. I couldn't wake up next to her if we were long distance. That wasn't okay. I didn't want to give up on what we had because of the offer, but when the hell was something like this going to happen again?
I could stay here. That was an option, right? I'd have Abby, but what else? Would the offer still stand? Would they give me a contract even if I didn't live close enough for it to be convenient? I didn't want to live here and be traveling back to LA all the time anyway. What the hell would be the point if I stayed here to be with her, but never saw her?
I needed to get out of here. I wasn't figuring anything out on my own. There was only one person I could talk to about this besides Abby. By now, I basically knew that I could count on finding him at the bar when I needed to talk. I'd miss that when I had to leave. I didn't have any people I could really count on in LA. If anyone was left over from when I was using, I didn't want to be in contact with them anyway.
Keno waved from the bar as I approached.
"Hey, man," I said, sitting down.
"Hey. You haven't needed a drink from me in a while. What’s up?" he asked. I laughed.
"It's not that bad yet," I said.
"What happened?"
"Summer's almost over," I said.
"You're upset about that? Is it Abby?"
"Of course it's Abby. It's like we can't pretend anymore that I'm not leaving. I think she's becoming distant since she thinks she's losing me."
"Can you blame her?" he asked. I sighed, irritated.
"I told her I didn't want to break up."
"What are you going to do? Stay? Are you going to make her do long distance?"
"I told her she could come with me."
"You don't even have to tell me what she said. The fact that you're here now tells me everything I need to know."
"She doesn't want to leave Lanai," I said.