Ever since I left Anna’s massage studio the other day, I couldn’t seem to get her off my mind. The way her face fell when I told her that I couldn’t continue my sessions was hard to take. It felt so final, and that kind of messed me up a bit. I was really starting to like her.
I stepped into the cage as people were chanting my name, but it didn’t feel right. It felt nothing like the last time. I couldn’t focus. My game was way off. The last time I was there, the last time I was getting ready to fight, Anna was there. She was right there, in the crowd, supporting me and cheering me on. Even though she hated fighting, she still came because I asked her to. And I just let her down.
I tried to concentrate on what was going on, but it was hard. I had barely even heard the bell ring for the first round. I tried to shake this feeling and get my head in the game.
The guy, my newest opponent, got a couple cheap shots in, and I could hear Artie from the side line yelling at me to block better. To “focus on his weak points.” I tried, but for some reason, it was hard. I looked out into the crowd where Anna had been sitting on Saturday, and it just didn’t feel the same. The guy got me with a left hook and then a right. I was okay, not knocked out. But I still couldn’t get my head in the game. Before I looked back at him, I saw Markie in the crowd. He was smirking. That asshole. He was happy to see me lose because if I did, he would get to take me through the ringer.
I kept forgetting how important it was for me to win that night. My thoughts were totally consumed by Anna. Why did things have to be like this?
The guy went in for an uppercut, but I blocked it and jabbed him a couple times in the side.
He went for my face once again, and I blocked it easily. Then, I leaned down and grabbed him by the waist. I flipped him down. Artie always told me to make sure to use my submission wrestling moves. I finally got the guy on the ground, but he was quick and had me in a head lock before I could even figure out what was going on. I tried to fight my way out, but I couldn’t. I struggled before I finally had to tap out.
And that’s when it hit me: I just lost the fight. I just lost the bet. I’ve lost a lot of things this week, but tonight was important. Too important to screw up. I didn’t get up for a few minutes. My opponent was prancing around the cage and cheering for himself. His coach escorted him out, and Artie walked over to me.
“What the hell was that?” he said as he helped me up.
I shook my head. I didn’t have words to describe what had just happened. I didn’t know how to explain why I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t tell Artie it had to do with Anna. He wouldn’t understand. He’d think I was letting pussy get in the way, which was something he had warned me about on plenty of occasions.
We made our way out of the cage, and I could see the disappointment on my fans’ faces. They seem shocked. All I could do was look at the ground. I didn’t even want to look them in the eyes. I couldn’t face the continuous disappointment spreading through the crowd.
“I can’t believe you lost so easily. I just don’t understand what happened to you out there,” Artie said as we entered my changing room. He was pissed, and it was understandable. I screwed up. I barely tried in the cage. That much I knew, but I wasn’t in the mood for one of Artie’s lectures.
“I know. I fucked up,” I said.
“You fucked up? Is that all you think you did? That was a horrible loss. For both you and me as your coach.” Artie was almost shouting now.
“I don’t really want to talk right now, alright?” I snapped.
“You better pull your head out of your ass, kid,” he said. He looked at me like he wanted to say more, but he just shook his head and left.
I felt bad for snapping at him. He was a good coach and a great guy, but he didn’t know about the bet. He didn’t know how much was really at stake for me that night. It wasn’t just this fight and my reputation; it was so much more than that. I was furious with myself.
I changed and made my way home. At that point, I just wanted to get home and go to bed. I wanted to forget that night even happened.
As I made my way home, I replayed the fight in my head. I had spent so much time consumed by Anna not being there that I let myself get distracted. I missed some really easy shots. I basically let the guy win. I hated myself for it, but I hated that Anna wasn’t there even more.
When I pulled into the driveway, my neighbor, Tiffany, was there. My mom couldn’t watch Margie tonight, and Tiffany was a great substitute. She was another girl that Margie adored.
“Thank you for watching her tonight,” I said, trying not to sound too down. I didn’t want her to try and talk to me, to pry into my life. She had tried to do it a few times before, and I would humor her with small details, but I just couldn’t do it then. After losing the fight, I couldn’t handle it.
“You’re welcome, Justin,” she said.
She was about my age and cute enough. At that point, I was pretty sure she had a thing for me, but I didn’t ever mention it. It would have been too weird for me, especially with the feelings I had for Anna.
“Have a good night,” I said as she made her way over to the front door. She was standing a little too close to me, and I hoped she wasn’t about to make a move. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with that on top of everything else.
But she must have sensed how I was feeling because she said, “You too. If you need anything, you know where I live.” She winked. I smiled at her because she was a nice girl, and I really just didn’t know how else to react. She left through the open door, and I closed it behind her. I was relieved to be alone.
I went into Margie’s room to check on her. She was sound asleep and looked so peaceful. I decided not to admire her for too long because I didn’t want to run the risk of waking her up. I quietly left her room and closed the door behind me.
When I got into my room, I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. I felt so low, and I didn’t know what to do. At that moment, I felt like I was letting Tammy down. At her funeral, I promised I would take care of our little girl. After the fight that night, l felt like I couldn’t even do that properly. All I had to do was win this one fight, and everything would have been okay. But I failed. I lost.
And now, I didn’t even know what was going to happen, and that was the worst part, especially as a father who needed to take care of his daughter.
Anna popped into my head once more. She was so beautiful and smart, and for some reason, I just could not get her out of my mind. Part of me wished I hadn’t quit going to see her. She looked so broken hearted when I left, and I felt the exact same way now. Losing that fight might not have stung so much if I would have seen her face in the crowd. I was kicking myself for everything I had done these last couple of days.
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep, so I called a friend from the gym. Joe was a good dude with a good head on his shoulders. I figured he could help me get things straightened out. Maybe he could help me figure out what to do with this whole Markie thing.