“Yeah,” I said. “That is probably the safest thing at this point.”
“Everything has been a mess,” he said. “I don’t mean you and me, but I definitely mean the way in which we went about everything. I can’t tell you how much I cherish those weeks where we had our relationship all to ourselves. I have survived being apart from you, simply based on the fact that I could replay those days in my head. I truly believe it was a mistake to put our relationship on hold.”
“You do?” I was shocked, assuming he was about to tell me that it was the way it was for a reason.
“Yes,” he said, turning to me and grabbing my hands. “I know that I don’t deserve you to forgive me, or even consider taking me back, but I am praying that you understand why I did what I did. Kayla was all I had left, and I couldn’t stand to see her hurting the way that she was.”
“God,” I said, letting out a deep breath and grabbing my chest. “Ryan, I understand why you did what you did. I came here to tell you that I wanted to fight for you. I came here to tell you that I knew what you were doing was in good heart and earnest thought, but I wanted you to reconsider. I have been absolutely miserable without you the past few weeks. I haven’t been sleeping well. You are all I think about, and my own sister didn’t even tell me she was pregnant because she felt so bad for me.”
“Does that mean that you are willing to consider giving it another try?” He looked hopeful, and I couldn’t help but begin to tear up at the idea that he felt the same way that I did. “I don’t want to be without you, Alissa. I knew that then, and I know that even more clearly now. That was never a doubt in my mind. I need you, we need you, both Kayla and me. Your light is what brought both of us from the darkness, and since you’ve been gone, I have been struggling to keep my head above water.”
“Look, I know that your daughter is your number one priority and that you will always put her first,” I said, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly. “I would never expect anything less. I also know that I’m not ready to give up such a good thing. We have it all, and we have since the first day that I came to babysit. I haven’t been in a place like this ever in my entire life, and I knew it was you and not just the idea of you. Your face, and Kayla’s face, run through my mind on a regular basis, hourly even, and I just can’t move past it. I know that the only thing for me to do is stop fighting my brain and start fighting to have you back. There is nothing in the world I want more than for us to be together, and to help Kayla be comfortable with me there in your lives.”
Suddenly, my mind wasn’t so foggy anymore, and I couldn’t begin to explain how excited I was to have this man on my side and by my side as well. I wanted to jump into his arms, but the feelings were so intense that I still couldn’t move a muscle. He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair, looking at me in the eyes. I could see the caring and love in his gaze, and my heart began to beat faster. This was exactly what I wanted, but I didn’t think I would actually get it back when I woke up that morning and headed over to his office. I figured at best, we would agree to be friends and keep the past in the past. I thought that I would leave there brokenhearted and alone, not completely ecstatic and in love.
“I promise that I will never let the shadow of my ex-wife ruin anything for us ever again,” he said, looking me dead in the eyes. “She’s not going to continue to control my life from another man’s arms. I will not allow her to affect your life or Kayla’s life like that anymore. I am so tired of living in her shadow, and I am more than ready to break free and have the life that I always wanted. I know that you are the person that I want to experience that life with, Alissa. I’m sorry that it took me this long to come to that conclusion.”
“I don’t care how long it took you.” I laughed. “Just as long as you got here. I’ve been waiting, knowing in my heart that you would eventually come back to me, and that we would be able to move forward with what we wanted from the beginning, to just be together.”
“I won’t let you go again,” he said.
He reached over and wiped the tear that fell from the corner of my eye and trickled down my cheek. I leaned my face into the palm of his hand and closed my eyes, taking in the warmth of his skin. I never thought I would feel his hands touching me again, nor did I think that I would hear him tell me he cared about me. I opened my eyes as he reached over and cupped my face in his hands, his mouth moving toward mine, and our eyes locked. As his lips pressed into mine, I could feel the electricity move through my entire body, and I leaned into him, letting go of everything that I had been holding onto since we said goodbye. I was finally back in the arms of the man that I loved, and I couldn’t let anything come between us again.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ryan
I sat down on the floor and pushed the coffee table farther away from the couch in my newly-renovated living room. Alissa was right. Lightening the colors and adding those special touches made the room more inviting than it ever was. The darkness was lifted from the house, but I knew that it wasn’t just a new coat of paint. Kayla and Alissa were fetching the board games from the cabinet and carrying the snacks carefully into the room. It had only been a few days since we decided that we wanted to make this work, but Kayla was already warming up to her being there. We planned a family game night where we made a bunch of snacks, gathered around the table, and played board games until we were ready for bed. I used to do it with my mom growing up, and it was one of my favorite traditions. This would be the first time I had everyone excited and ready to participate.
“Dad,” Kayla said, laughing as she ran into the room. “We decided that Monopoly isn’t okay because Alissa and I know you will kick our butt, so we are going to start with Clue.”
“Oh, so instead of getting your butt kicked, you are choosing murder instead,” I said, laughing.
“No.” She giggled, setting the popcorn and drinks down on the table. “We are solving a crime like the super sleuths in the books I’m reading for school.”
“Well, let’s get this crime solving going then,” I said, clapping my hands.
As I looked up, I could see Alissa walking in, carrying the game board. Kayla insisted on sitting next to Alissa, and I smiled, seeing how they interacted on such a loving and real level. We played Clue for a couple of hours, laughing and joking together as if nothing had ever happened. When we were done with that, we played a three-man version of charades, and Alissa was laughing so hard from Kayla’s interpretation of a walrus that she fell over on the floor, holding her stomach. I couldn’t think of a time that I had been happier and more at ease in my entire life. Everything before had been so organized, structured, and go, go, go. We never laughed, and I missed the sound of a house filled with voices. I kept finding myself just sitting back and taking it all in, listening to every shade of laughter that bounced off the freshly painted walls.
I watched Alissa give Kayla her full attention, really listening to what she had to say and her wild and crazy ideas, making Kayla truly believe that she could do anything if she put her mind to it. I could see that there was actually something to my feelings, and I could already imagine some kind of future with Alissa, where she was permanently in our lives. I already wanted to have her by my side every day, afraid of the time we lost, and wanting to make sure it nev
er happened again. She was already a staple in our new life, and that was perfectly okay with me.
Everything about my life before Alissa felt like a bad dream, and I could really step back and see how Christina and I had gone from a loving couple to two drones in a marriage that had no passion or excitement. We thought we were acting like a family because we went to parties and school events together, but in reality, we were like robots doing what everyone else expected of us. With everything falling into place, from the renovation of the house to getting Alissa back, I felt like I had finally reached a point where I could put the devastation of my marriage to Christina behind me and move forward.
“All right, munchkin,” I said, yawning and looking at my watch. “Time to go to bed.”
“Aww,” she groaned. “Just one more?”
“Not tonight,” I said, kissing her forehead. “Come on; I’ll tuck you in.”
“Dad,” she whispered, leaning up to my ear. “Can Alissa tuck me in tonight?”
“Of course,” I said, looking over at Alissa and winking. “If it’s okay with her.”
“Will you come tuck me in?” Kayla asked shyly.
“Of course,” she said, standing up and taking her hand.