,” she said angrily. “You just let her leave and haven’t done anything to make her want to come back here. You changed the whole house. Do you think Mom wants to come home to a place she doesn’t recognize? You should have left everything alone because she will come back one day, and you better hope that she forgives you for completely changing everything.”
“Kayla, that isn’t how it works,” I said, trying to defend myself but still calm her down. “I know it’s hard for you to understand, but adults do things that destroy marriages sometimes, and that is what happened. Your mother didn’t just leave you. She left me, too. She just left and didn’t give me any clue as to what I did to deserve it.”
“Then why don’t you find out and fix it?” She was still sobbing so hard, and I had no idea how to help her.
I stood up and walked around the table, pulling Kayla’s seat out and facing her. She cried hard and leaned into my shoulder, letting me comfort her. I wrapped my arms around her and took in a deep breath, wishing I could stop this unbearable pain for her. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Kayla wasn’t ready for me to be seeing anyone else, no matter how much I wanted her to be.
“Would you like it better if I wasn’t seeing Alissa right now?” I whispered into her ear and held my breath, hoping desperately that she wouldn’t say yes.
“Mhmm,” she sniffled, wiping the tears from her face with her sleeve.
“All right,” I sighed, pulling her back in for a hug.
I didn’t want to break it off with Alissa. She was the most wonderful thing that had happened to me in a long time, but I knew Kayla had to come first. It was a terrible feeling, knowing that no matter what choice I made, I was going to hurt someone I cared for deeply. This was just another thing that I could add to the list of reasons I hated my ex-wife.
Chapter Twenty
Alissa
I flipped through the pages of my notebook, scribbling notes in every corner that I could. I was at the home office, going through my notes on a new commercial client that I had booked. I really wanted to be with Ryan and Kayla since he invited me over for dinner with them, but I knew they needed some good father/daughter time together, and I needed to get a jumpstart on this new project. Still, no matter how responsible I was being, it didn’t help me stay focused on the task at hand. For some reason, I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that I just couldn’t shake. It was probably just the fact that I should be focused on my work, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan and Kayla and how I missed them both very much. I barely got to see Kayla anymore, between Ryan and me dating and my new workload.
This client, though, was the most amazing client I’d ever landed. This was a woman opening a high-end boutique in downtown Phoenix. She wanted everything to be done in an artistic manner, but not eclectic. She wanted high-fashion, luxury, and her budget was huge. On top of all of that, this client was willing to give me almost complete creative carte blanche, which was pretty much unheard of in this business. It was a really rare artistic and authentic experience that most interior designers didn’t see until late in their careers. I had dreamed of having a client like that, and I had snagged her at a design show, which was also pretty much unheard of. I brought samples of all of my best work and set up a station, deciding that it was time for me to try to attract commercial contracts, as well as private ones. The commercial contracts were usually higher-priced and had a better turnaround time than the private clients were. She had come up to my booth, loved my ideas, and had me come sign a contract the next day. It was crazy.
Feeling like I needed a break, I put the notes down and got up from my desk, walking into my kitchen. I grabbed a glass and poured myself some iced tea, glad that I had taken time to get my kitchen back in order before diving into work. I had been so engrossed in my time with Ryan that I pretty much had nothing in the fridge and even less in the cabinets. I was not the kind of girl that liked to eat out all the time, so it was rare and irritating that I had a bachelor’s kitchen going on. Before I walked back into the office, I heard my phone ring from the other room. I walked into the living room and picked it up, smiling as Ryan’s name flew across the screen. He must have finished up with dinner and put Kayla to bed.
I sat down on the couch and crossed my legs underneath me before answering. I liked to be comfortable when I talked to him, because most of the time, we would sit there for over an hour just chatting about life. I pressed the Answer button and pulled the phone to my ear with excitement.
“Hey there, handsome,” I said, smiling.
“Hey,” he said with a slightly monotone voice. “What are you doing?”
“Well, I just took a break from going over the notes for my new client,” I said.
“Oh, yeah, how is that going?”
“Great,” I said happily. “I went by the space today, and it’s like a dream come true. I have so many ideas, but I have to keep myself restrained. I can’t go flying off the handle and just start making samples for her. She gave me artistic freedom, which is insane, and she’s not even going to be in town until after the whole place is done. All she asked was that I send over my markups before I started, just in case there are any glaring issues. I can’t tell if she is nuts for giving me this opportunity or just plain too rich to care. Either way, I’m not wanting to jinx myself. Anyway, how was your day?”
“It was okay,” he said. “Got lots of work done and got all the payroll done for the guys.”
“How was dinner?”
“Well, that is another story,” he said with a sigh. “It’s actually the reason that I’m calling you in the first place.”
“What happened?”
“I told Kayla about us,” he said. “It wasn’t in my plans, but I felt really guilty for lying to her and it just kind of came out.”
I sat there for a moment, running the words over in my mind. I really wanted to be there when he told her so that she could see that I wasn’t a threat, but I also understood what kind of friendship those two had. They were like best pals, and I couldn’t even imagine how hard it had to be for him to continuously lie to her about where he was going, where I was, and how his day went. It was exhausting just thinking about it.
The way he told me, though, it really struck me in my core, and I could feel my nerves starting to bubble up inside of me. His tone of voice was not one that I would expect to hear if he was following that statement up with good news. In fact, his tone of voice was actually kind of terrifying, and I couldn’t even start to imagine what he was going to tell me. How bad could it have been? She was probably upset and didn’t understand, but eventually, she would come around. For some reason, even though I was telling myself that over and over again in my head, I couldn’t seem to believe it.
I was actually kind of pissed at myself for not going over there for dinner. If I had been there, he probably wouldn’t have told her at all. And if he still had told her, at least I could have been there in person to ease her mind. I knew that it had to be really hard for Kayla to imagine her father with anyone other than her mother, but that was something that wasn’t going to go away until she really started to see him with someone else. I took in a deep breath and prepared myself to hear what was coming next. I really just wanted to hang up the phone and pretend that he never called and never approached me with bad news. I knew how important Kayla was to him, and I knew how much he would sacrifice to make sure that she was okay.
“To say that she didn’t take it well would be an understatement,” he said. “There was screaming that I could barely understand, followed by the most horrible sobbing scene I have ever witnessed from my daughter. I don’t want you to take it personally. All she thinks is that her mother is going to come back home, like she is just at the grocery store or something. She has no idea of the reality of the situation. She really does like you. She had just gotten done telling me how she missed you before I told her. It’s all about her and her thoughts and understanding of what it means to be divorced. To her, the piece of pape
r doesn’t matter because she sees the relationship, not the legality of it all. It was heartbreaking.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” I said, saddened.