“Well,” she said, thinking hard. “We are doing addition and subtraction in math, learning our states in geography, learning about mythology in English, and we started basic sentences in Spanish.”
“Wow,” I said, truly amazed. “I didn’t take Spanish until high school.”
“Yeah, apparently, I have to take it every year until I graduate,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “I’d rather learn French, but I don’t have a choice.”
“You’re in second grade now, right?”
“Yeah, I’m the youngest out of everyone, but I’m pretty sure I’m the smartest,” she said, smiling.
“I would have to say you’re probably right.” I laughed. “I just don’t remember second grade being that intense. I mean, when I was in school, I’m pretty sure second grade was a lot about animals. We put on a play, and I sang in the chorus.”
“Maybe you just can’t remember since it was like, a million years ago,” she said, laughing before she could get it out.
“Very funny,” I said, throwing a piece of bread at her. “Seriously, though, I didn’t even get introduced to homework until I was in the fifth grade.”
“Lucky,” she said, sighing. “I hate homework.”
“You think it’s lucky, but you have to look at it as an opportunity to learn a lot more than I did when I was in school,” I said, trying to curb her hatred for homework. “What are your grades looking like this quarter?”
“All A’s, as usual,” she said proudly.
“That’s great,” I said excitedly. “I know you were having a little bit of an issue there for a while.”
“I feel better, so I am interested in everything again,” she said, smiling. “When you feel down, it’s hard to focus on anything but your feelings. Once I was able to put those to the side, I started to listen to the teachers and understand what I was doing.”
“Well, good,” I said, taking a bite. “I’m really glad to know you are starting to feel better.”
“My new room has really helped a lot, too,” she said. “Working at my desk with my computer really helps me focus. It was really hard staying awake, sitting on the bed after a long day at school, and I knew if I was in the kitchen, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. At least, that’s what happened when I tried before.”
“You do what you are most comfortable with, then,” I said, smiling.
“I really miss having Alissa babysitting me.” She sighed. “I feel like she doesn’t come around barely at all anymore. She must be really busy with everything she has going on in her life. I hope that she doesn’t forget about me.”
“How could anyone forget about you?” I asked, feeling guilty for lying to Kayla. “She is really busy, though. She has a new project where the woman pretty much gave her all the power, so she has been obsessed with that for a while.”
I sat back in my chair and looked down at my spaghetti, hating the fact that I was lying to my little girl. It wasn’t a lie that Alissa had that client, but I wasn’t telling her the whole truth. We still hadn’t brought up the fact that Alissa and I were dating, and it was almost two months later. I wanted to protect my little girl, but at the same time, what kind of message was I sending if I was lying to straight to her face? She deserved to know the truth, and then we could handle anything that came from that. Though I hoped for the best, I wasn’t sure at all how Kayla was going to react to finding out the secret. Either way, I couldn’t hold it back any longer.
“Kayla,” I said, breathing heavily. “I need to tell you something that I’ve been keeping a secret from you for a couple months now. You have to understand that I was trying everything I could to not involve you in all of this stuff with my personal life, but I also can’t sit here and tell lies about something that you need to understand.”
“What is it, Dad?”
I sat there for a second, tapping my fork against my plate. This wasn’t the way I wanted her to find out. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, having to choose between possibly hurting her or continuing to lie to her at every turn. She was at that age where she asked a lot of questions, and I was finding myself further backed into a corner every single time. I took in a deep breath, knowing I just needed to get it out. I hadn’t been this nervous about telling someone something since I had to admit to my parents that I had gotten a bad grade in class. It was almost torture that I had kept it in this long, a pretty impressive streak for a guy that was terrible with secrets.
“Okay,” I said, sighing. “I’m seeing Alissa. We’ve been dating for almost two months now.”
I wasn’t sure if she could really understand the implications of that, but I carefully watched her face, completely shocked at how she was taking the news. She dropped her fork on her plate and balled up her fists, her expression becoming rigid and angry. I had to admit, I knew that she was capable of having all kinds of different reactions to the news, but I was definitely shocked by what she was showing me. I wanted so badly for her to be happy about Alissa and me that I had pushed away any idea that she would be less than thrilled about the concept. I knew it was hard for her to understand, especially since she was 7, and her mother had left her with no explanation or reasoning. Still, she had to know that her mother wasn’t coming back anytime soon, and that I was going to eventually move on with my life. Or maybe she didn’t know that at all.
“How could you?” She stood up and slammed her fists on the table. “You were supposed to make the right choices, and you have been lying to me this whole time. Mother’s Day has come and gone, and you didn’t say anything about it. My mother was supposed to be here, so I could make her breakfast in bed and invite her to the school luncheon. But instead, you are out with Alissa, trying to fill Mom’s place without even talking to me about it. You are the worst, Dad!”
She was screaming, and her little face was turning beet red. I didn’t know what to do, so I put my hand up, trying to get her to calm down. She plopped back down in her chair and folded her arm across her chest, her breathing increasing and her eyes pointed and hateful. I was so confused by what she was so angry about, but as she slowed her breathing, she began to sob uncontrollably, her tears falling into her plate of spaghetti.
“I just don’t understand,” she cried. “She just left me, and she didn’t even say why. She won’t come back, and I can’t fix it. What did I do for her to do this to me? I can be better, be prettier, wear prettier clothes like she likes. I don’t care what I have to do. I just want her to come back and love me again.”
“Baby,” I said quietly, reaching for her hand. “Don’t talk that way. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are perfect in every way. This is not about you. It’s about her, and the problems she has on the inside.”
She pulled her hand away from mine and tucked it in her lap, her head facing down and tears falling into her skirt. She sobbed hard, and I knew that there was not a lot I could do to comfort her. It had been quite a while since she had a breakdown like this, but I didn’t realize that me dating someone else would have that kind of effect on her. I felt terrible, but I knew I needed to just let her get it out of her system. She slowly raised her head and squinted her eyes at me, still crying, and her cheeks bright red.
“And you, you didn’t even try to get Mom back