“Ma, I swear he does this shit every time! I know that look on his face. In a few more minutes, he’s going to walk over here and tell me that he has to go. It’s not even about me right now. It’s about my kids! He thinks because the twins are so young that they don’t question things, but they do. I can’t tell you the number of times that both Jada and Jaden have asked me why Daddy isn’t here for dinner or how come Daddy doesn’t give us that much attention. They see it, Ma. I’m tired of begging my husband for time. I shouldn’t have to beg him to love me. Hell, to love us,” I said, and toward the end, my voice trailed off, and I heard it crack.
Yes, I was hurt, but I was breaking right now because if anything, I was angry. The thought of my husband having an affair did run through my mind once before, but the man barely has enough time for his own wife and three kids, so I knew that he didn’t have any time to cheat. I trusted Jerrod too, so I knew that it wasn’t another woman. Sadly, the only thing that me and my kids were in competition with was that damn job.
“Don’t you start crying out here, Kari, in front of these damn kids. Go over there with Star and them and have a drink!” my mom said, putting her hand on my shoulder and kind of gently shoving me away because Jaden started looking at me from across the backyard. We both knew how overprotective he was of me so it wouldn’t be long before he came over trying to figure out why the hell I was crying.
I quickly wiped my eyes before any more tears could fall, and I joined my two best friends and my sister, Sky, who were sitting under a tent. Even at a children’s birthday party, the three of them still managed to have a drink in their hands. I released a sigh and then flopped down on the plastic chair next to Sky.
“Shrimp, your ass needs a damn drink. Here!” Sky said and reached into the cooler that was behind her and passed me a wine cooler.
I was more of a Sutter Home Pink Moscato type of girl, but this would do until tonight. I took the drink from my sister, and in a few short seconds, I could smell that all too familiar Valentino Uomo Intense cologne coming my way, so I rolled my eyes because I knew that it was Jerrod. His head went in the crook of my neck, and I could feel his warm breath on me along with his long beard tickling me. I released a sigh because I already knew what was coming.
His lips found my neck, and he kissed me hard on it a few times. My body didn’t even react to him, which scared the fuck out of me because could that mean I was really no longer in love with him? Or was I just that angry? I turned my head a little to get a better look at him, and when I saw that he was looking back at me with those big, sympathetic eyes, I knew then that he was getting ready to tell me something that I didn’t care to know.
I never told you all what my husband was mixed with. While his father was an African American man, his mother was Puerto Rican, which explained the nice grain of hair that he had. He no longer rocked the long braids that he used to have in high school and throughout college. Now, he rocked a short Caesar haircut that gave him a nice, pretty boy look. Back in high school, he had a lean build that matched his tall frame, but now he was much more muscular.
“I gotta go, Shrimp. Greg was there saying that the inventory has been off for last week, and you know I like to be on top of those things. Let me just see what the hell is going on, and I’ll be back. Don’t go talk shit to your friends and your sister because you know if I had it my way, I wouldn’t leave, especially not on my kids’ birthday at that. Don’t tell them I went to work because I can’t have them thinking that this job is more important than them when it’s not. I’ll be back,” he said and kissed my neck again. He tried to cuff the bottom of my chin so that I could kiss him on his lips, but I wasn’t letting up.
As if he had a reason to be the one upset, he sucked his teeth and walked away, but that was only after he took the drink that was in my hands.
“That man is too fine to be so damn stupid, and I don’t even like men. You never hear me calling men fine. Now, a woman, I’ll call a woman fine any day out of the week,” Brooklyn said the second Jerrod walked away.
It was no secret that Brooklyn was a lesbian. She’d been into girls for as long as I could remember. It also wasn’t a secret that she couldn’t stand Jerrod. While Kassidy and my sister tried their best to stay out of my marriage, Brooklyn didn’t have a filter and would tell Jerrod just about every chance she got about how he was fuckin’ up. She never got too disrespectful with him, though, and I never really got mad at her for expressing her feelings because I knew that her love for me is what caused her to snap on him the way she did. I never wanted to be that wife who had my friends so involved in my marriage that they felt like they could say whatever the hell they wanted to say to my husband, but some things needed to be said.
One would think that with different people telling him about his fuck ups that he would change, but I swear it was like beating a dead horse when it came to him.
“I don’t even want to talk about it, but since you brought it up, let’s talk. Nobody should have to tell him that it’s not the proper thing to do to just walk out on our kids’ birthday party. I could see if the office building was on fire or something, but he’s rushing his ass down there for fuckin’ inventory! The birthday party should be over within another hour so he could have left then, but he chooses to leave now! I’m really starting to believe that he does this shit on purpose. He enjoys seeing me get all riled up over this.
“As a husband, he should be able to correct certain things in his life, especially if he’s seeing that it’s causing friction within our marriage. It’s as if he doesn’t even attempt to change, even after I complain to him. Any move that I make, I make sure that my husband is comfortable in the process. Even right now, as mad as I am with him, I know that he doesn’t like me drinking so I won’t get another drink. I change for him. I rearrange certain shit for his ass, and all I ask is to get the same thing back from him in return!” I said, looking around at my girls like they had all the answers.
I could tell from the dull look that was on all their faces that they were tired of hearing about this shit. Hell, I was tired of talking about it but damn!
“What are you going to do then, Kari?” Kassidy asked, shifting up in her seat and looking at me with a serious expression.
Kassidy was the oldest and the more level headed one of the three of us. She had one son, which was Dion. Her and Dion’s father weren’t together, but they did a damn good job at co-parenting.
“I hate ultimatums with a passion, but I feel like it’s time that you give him one. That way, you no longer have to worry about whether that job comes first in his life or you and your kids! Let him make that decision, and the two of you can pretty much go on from there. I don’t want you to be one of those women who has to settle, just for the sake of your children. I can tell that you’re not happy. Hell, you haven’t been happy in years. The two of you should be able to have some type of balance. You run a daycare, take care of three kids on your own, and you still make time to be a friend, a sister, and then you still have plenty of time on the side to be a wife! What’s his excuse?” Kassidy asked me.
She had touched on a lot of things, and I let everything that she just said marinate in my head. I loved Jerrod dearly, but these days, I just didn’t know if this was what I wanted. His touches and his kisses no longer sparked a fire in me the way they used to. Even when he does get in the bed with me, he never holds me close like he used to. For a few years now, he and I have been sleeping with our backs turned to each other. I can’t even remember the last time that we said “I love you” to each other.
I heard Kassidy, but I didn’t bother responding. I was glad when Sky decided to change the subject. Although we weren’t talking about it anymore, that didn’t mean that it was no longer on my mind.
“Journey, get down here!” I yelled once the birthday party was over and I walked inside the house through the patio door.
All of the guests were gone besides my two friends, my mother, and Sky. Jerrod’s mother didn’t even bother staying to help clean up, but I couldn’t even say that I was surprised because she’d always been like that. What exactly is like that? Distant. She’s always been distant. Granted, she and I have never had any real problems in the past or till this day, but even as long as I’ve been with her son, I still didn’t feel a true mother-in-law and daughter bond with her. We never had a day where the two of us just hung out and went to the mall, got our hair and nails done, or anything. Whenever she and I came around each other, it always involved Jerrod. In the beginning, I guess I can say that it bothered me a little bit, but just like I’ve been doing every other thing in this marriage, I’ve just been sweeping it under the rug.
Almost two minutes later, my daughter, Journey, who looked like every ounce of her father came down the stairs with her iPhone in her hands and her air pod earphones in her ear. Every time I saw my daughter, I was constantly slapped in the face on how I really had a teenaged daughter. A developing teenage daughter at that.
My da
ughter was built slim thick, meaning that she had certain assets that I wish didn’t come for a few more years from now, but they were definitely there. Even in the little jean shorts that she was walking around the house in, I could see the spread of her hips. If she turned to the side, you could tell that she had more derriere than I did. Her breasts were developing too because I’d taken her bra shopping a few days ago, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before she became a C cup, and that alone was enough to give me a mini heart attack inside Victoria’s secret.
My daughter was beautiful, and it wasn’t just something I was saying because I was her mother and it was the thing that all mothers said. From the time she was two years old, she’d been doing kids commercials, modeling, and pageants. That wasn’t anywhere in my list of plans for her, but when she was two years old, I remember having her out at the grocery store with me one evening, and a modeling agent for kids went on and on about how beautiful Journey was and how she’d be perfect for her brand. Of course, I declined her offer, but when she started telling me about the money that Journey could make and how I could put it aside for her college tuition, I jumped on board.
Back then, my daughter had a head full curly, jet black hair, and she inherited those same hazel eyes as her father. I remember those cute, chubby cheeks that she used to have, which I used to love to bite and kiss on. Now, my baby girl was thirteen, and her days of wanting to model and everything was long gone. She’d transitioned and was now part of the dance team at her school. That close mother and daughter bond that she and I had had been gone for almost a year now. It’s like the whole family dynamic wasn’t important anymore to Journey. I felt a strong distance from my own child, which was why I was constantly taking her phone from her because if I didn’t, she was very good at pretending that we didn’t even exist.
“Ma, you didn’t have to yell! I was right upstairs in my room,” she said and rolled her eyes at me, looking exactly how I’m pretty sure I looked just an hour ago when I was doing that very same thing to my husband.
I don’t know if it was my size or what, but I felt like my daughter just didn’t respect me. It wasn’t like I was a pushover either because she knew that I would grab that belt in a second. I was heading for her with a swiftness, but my mom jumped in.