“Look, TJ … I understand what you’re saying. I really do. But you need to realize that, in the grand scheme of things, how much money you make doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” I argued.
“Hear me out. Forget about the money.” I nodded, indicating that I was listening. “This is what you need to think about: does Sasha make you happy? Does she make you laugh? How do you feel when you kiss her, hold her, make love to her? Can you be in the same room with her, not saying or doing anything, and feel content? Does she make you want to be a better person?”
I watched him. Silent, as his questions tumbled through my brain.
“Those are the important things.” Cal’s face was serious as he spoke, and I knew out of everyone that I knew in this world, Cal knew what it was like to be in love with someone, unconditionally. “If you can answer yes to those questions, then the material shit doesn’t matter. Follow your heart, brother. It’ll never steer you wrong.”
Chapter 28 – Sasha
A few days later I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I was ready to put my heart on the line and take a chance on happily ever after. I was tired of waiting around for a man to claim me, and realized that if I wanted TJ badly enough, I was willing to take the risk and go after him. Just like I did in every other aspect of my life.
I tried to remain calm as I pulled my straightened hair back into a ponytail. I wasn’t sure if I was spending so much time getting ready because I wanted to look good when I went and saw TJ, or if I was just really nervous and doing whatever I could to delay the inevitable.
I’d opted for a summery dress and heels, because TJ loves me in heels, with light makeup and smooth hair. As I stood, staring at my reflection, I knew that there was nothing else to do now but find my inner badass and go get my man. With one last wink to myself, I took a deep breath and set off to do just that.
When I stood at TJ’s door, fist raised ready to knock, my moxy was suddenly gone, replaced by nerves and fear.
What if I tell him I love him, and he doesn’t feel the same? What if I lay my heart out and he rejects me? Oh God … maybe I should just come back later.
I told my inner voice to go to hell and knocked. After a few seconds a sexily rumpled TJ answered the door, his sandy hair askew and his eyes barely open.
“Did I wake you?” I asked, willing to use that as an excuse to come back later.
“Um, no … Well, yeah, but come on in.” TJ stood to the side to let me in, and I had to stop my hands from reaching out and running along his bare chest. His gym shorts were slung low on his hips, and the look of him made me want to take his hand in mine and lead him right back to bed.
Maybe after we talked … if things went my way.
“I’m sorry to come by without calling, I thought you’d be up,” I explained as I followed him into his living room.
“You don’t have to call first, Sasha. You can stop by whenever you want.” He stopped and ran his hand through his hair, looking out of sorts. “You mind if I make some coffee real quick?”
“No, go ahead.” I wondered if I should sit on the couch, but as I watched his retreating back, I realized that I wanted to be close to him while I could. “Late night?” I asked as I watched him put the grounds into the filter.
“Yeah, Brock was able to get me a couple jobs yesterday, and the last one ran pretty late.”
“That’s great,” I said lamely. I was torn between attacking him in the kitchen and pouring out my heart. I figured I should give him a moment to wake up before doing either.
TJ had one of the older coffee pots, the ones you had to wait for the entire pot to finish brewing before you could pour a cup, otherwise you’d make a mess everywhere. I smiled as I watched him frown at the pot while he waited. He was so damn cute.
When we finally each had a cup in hand, he led me to his sofa and we sat, leaving a space between us so we could turn to each other and talk.
TJ took a sip of the coffee, then set it down, reaching out and picking it up again. I realized that he was just as nervous as I was, and wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. That small gesture gave me the courage to open my mouth and say what needed to be said.
“TJ, I know I messed up the day you left my house to move here. I didn’t articulate what I wanted to say, and I ended up giving you the wrong idea, and pissing you off. I’ve had some time to think about what I want to say to you, and hopefully I can relay it without putting my foot in my mouth again.” I brought my eyes to TJ’s face, and when I saw he was listening intently, I took a deep breath and continued. “I love you.” TJ’s face slowly broke out into a wide grin, which made my heart jump as I kept talking. “I know that we have our differences, not just in the way we were raised, but in the way we live our lives now. But, I also know that we have a lot of similarities. Neither of us had parents who loved us, we grew up basically looking out for ourselves, and that has crossed over into our adult lives. We don’t depend on anyone other than our friends, and we expect people to disappoint us, but … when we do find someone worthy of our love and loyalty, we give it unconditionally. We both love movies and the ocean. We love dogs, and kids, although neither of us want to have children of our own.” I reached out, hopeful, and wanted to weep when he put the coffee cup on the table with a clatter and grasped my hand in his. “You make me laugh. Every second that I’m with you, I feel happy and fulfilled. You’re my best friend, and seeing the man that you’ve become fills me with pride. I have faith in you. I have faith in us … And I’m asking you to give us a chance.”
I paused, my heart in my throat as I waited for him to say something.
TJ pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it softly, so I scooted closer on the couch, eager to be near him.
“I love you too,” he said, causing my heart to soar and my lips to curl madly. I simultaneously pulled him closer and threw my body into his, hugging him tightly as tears of joy escaped and ran down my face. I laughed happily and squeezed him tightly, trying to match his hold on me.
“I said my share of stupid stuff, Sasha, and I have to apologize to you,” TJ said as he pulled back to look into my face. “I was jealous and out of line in the bar. And that morning at your house, I was being an ass because I was afraid. Afraid of losing what we had, and unsure how I was going to be able to go back to the friends we were before, when all I wanted was to move forward with the way our relationship was going. Plus, the money thing … I hope you understand that I don’t mean to insult you, and it may be foolish pride, but it’s important to me as a man … as a person … to be able to provide for myself and be financially stable.”
I looked at him. This beautiful, proud man who had endured so much and come out on top, and my heart swelled with love for him.
I leaned forward and placed my lips on his. Softly at first, but when I got the taste of him, I opened my mouth and reveled in the sweet passion that we’d found in each other. I pulled back, eager to assure him that I did understand, but went in for one more quick taste before saying, “I do understand, TJ, and I never want you to feel like we aren’t equals. I want you to be my partner, and I know that just because we decide to be together today, doesn’t mean that we’re going to get married, or move in with each other tomorrow, but I want you to know that I’m interested in a serious relationship. No more friends with benefits, I want full-time benefits.” I laughed when he chuckled at my words. “But, if we do decide to take the next step and move in together, I’ll move in here, or we can get an apartment or house and split the rent. I’ll sell my place. I know you think that I can’t go without the luxuries I was raised with, but I swear I’ll prove you wrong. I want you to be comfortable where we live, and I want to live where you are.”