Sitting on the toilet, I dropped my head into my hands and wondered what the hell I was going to do.
I imagined all of the things Reardon and Gabe’s family would say and think. I imagined what Chris would think. Zoey. My parents. The entire town of Cherry Springs. I’d be forever labeled the woman who got drunk at parties and pregnant with Lewis babies.
Oh God … I’d come here to start fresh, and to give Christopher a chance to have a big, loving family, and now I’d gone and screwed it all up.
I don’t know how long I stayed there, on the chilly porcelain, my life flashing before my eyes for the second time in fourteen years, wondering woefully, why me? It must have been a while, because the next thing I knew I heard Chris yelling for me from somewhere in the house.
“Mom? Steve and Adrian are outside and wanted to know if I could come out … Can I?”
“Yes!” I shouted back, happy not to have to face him yet.
After a few more minutes, I heard footsteps in the hall, and then a knock sounded on the bathroom door.
“Chloe?”
It was Reardon, not Chris, who was seeking me out.
Oh, it was on.
Standing quickly, I rushed to the door and threw it open.
“Hey, are you o…” Reardon began, then he saw my face and stopped talking, one second before my palm slammed into his chest and mo
ved him back.
“You!” I shouted, years of pain, doubt, and shame erupting from me. I needed an outlet for my despair, and he was standing right in front of me. I was no longer able to think and reason; all I could do was feel.
“You’re no better than your cousin, the elusive, all-powerful, Gabriel Lewis. I should have known better. I did know better, but I let myself be charmed by your Viking good looks and geeky behavior. So stupid!” I was in full-on rant mode, so I didn’t notice when Reardon’s concern and shock turned to anger. I was too riled up.
“But you’re all the same, taking advantage of the fact that I’d been drinking. No, actually plying me with shots, even though I told you I didn’t want to do them.”
“Are you being serious right now?” Reardon managed, but I held up my hand to shut him up.
“Yes, I’m being serious,” I mocked nastily. “How else do you explain it, huh? How do you explain that fact that on two separate occasions, both of which I drank more than usual, both of which I did something completely out of character? Tell me, how?”
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about right now, Chloe, or why you’re suddenly pissed off and regretting something that happened weeks ago, but comparing what’s happening with us to what happened that night with Gabe is a low fucking blow,” Reardon said, gently removing my hand from his chest and turning away.
“Don’t you walk away from me!” I shouted, and I vaguely wondered who this woman was that I’d become.
“You’re raving right now, and I can’t talk to you,” was his reply.
“Raving?” I raved, incredulously. “I’m raving? Well, how do you expect me to react when I find out that I’m pregnant, again, after a drunken encounter with a Lewis cousin, again?”
That stopped him in his tracks.
Reardon turned slowly until he was fully facing me. I could see the emotion playing across his face. Shock, awe, excitement, and finally utter joy, but I was too far gone to care.
“No,” I yelled, holding my hand up to stop him once again. “I can’t do this right now. I can’t talk to you, listen to you, or look at you … Just go.”
“I can see you’re shocked and upset,” Reardon began softly, like he was trying to calm down a wild animal. “And although what you’re saying is really pissing me off, we need to talk about this. If we’re having a baby…”
“If?” I asked, hanging on to my anger. “What do you mean if? There’s been no one else, you know that.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he replied, holding up both hands, and really pissing me off.
“Just get out of here,” I said, needing to be alone to lick my wounds and figure out what I’m going to do. “I’ll make an appointment and let you know if I’m actually pregnant. Then we can talk about how I want you involved and where we’ll go from there.”
“How you’ll want me involved?” Reardon asked, his voice utterly calm, but his face colder than I’d ever seen it. “Fine, I’ll go, and give you a chance to sort your head out, but think of this when you do … For me, it has always been you. That night in the bar, I saw you first, and I was getting ready to make my move when you came over and chose Gabe. I never forgot you, and then years later, you came back and told us about Chris. I was crushed. You were the girl that got away, and it seemed like that would never change. Then you finally gave me a shot, and I’ve never been happier. But now, with this, and your reaction to it, I wonder if you’ll ever have it in you to choose me. If you’ll ever want me the way that I’ve always wanted you.”