12-40 p.m. Just needs washing through and hanging out to dry. Then can get on.
12.55 p.m. Hurrah! Am going swimming to Hampstead Ponds with Jude and Shazzer! Have not done legs but Jude says pond is ladies only and teeming with lesbians who consider it mark of gay pride to be as hairy as yetis. Hurrah!
Midnight. Was fantastic at ponds, like painting of sixteenth-century nymphs only rather more of them than would expect in Dorothy Perkins swimsuits. V. oldfashioned, with wooden decking and lifeguards. Swimming in natural environment with mud on bottom* totally new sensation.
*bottom of pond, not own bottom
Told them what Tom had said about the Babyfather idea. "My God!" said Shaz. "Well, I think it's a good idea. Except that on top of 'Why aren't you married ?' you'd have 'Who's the father?' to contend with."
"I could say it was an immaculate conception," I suggested.
"I think all this would be extremely selfish," said Jude coldly.
There was a stunned pause. We peered at her, trying to work out what was going on.
"Why?" said Shaz eventually.
"Because a child needs two parents. You would be doing it to satisfy yourself when actually you're just too selfish to have a relationship."
Blimey. I could see Shaz taking out a sub-machine gun and gunning her down. Next thing Shaz was off on one, ranting away with a no-holds-barred sphere of eclectic cultural reference.
"Look at the Caribbean," she ranted while the other girls looked round in alarm and thought, mmm, Caribbean. Lovely luxury hotel and white sand.
"The womenfolk bring the children up in compounds," Shaz declared. "And the men just turn up sometimes and shag them, and now the women are getting economic power and there are pamphlets saying "Men at Risk" because they're losing their role just like they are ALL OVER THE FUCKING WORLD."
Sometimes wonder if Sharon really is quite such a Ph.D.-style authority on, well, everything, as she pretends to be.
"A child needs two parents," said Jude doggedly.
"Oh for God's sake that's a completely narrow, paternalistic, unrealistic, partisan Smug- Middle -Class -Married Parent view," hissed Shaz. "Everyone knows a third of all marriages end in divorce."
"Yes!" I said. "
Being with one mother who loves you is bound to be better than being the product of a bitter divorce. Children need relationships and life and people around but it doesn't have to be a husband." Then suddenly remembering something my - ironically enough mother always comes out with I said, "You can't spoil a child by loving it."
"Well, there's no need to gang up on me about it," said Jude huffily, "I'm only giving my view. Anyway, I've got something to tell you."
"Oh yeah? What-" said Shaz. "You believe in keeping human slaves?"
"Vile Richard and I are getting married."
Sbazzer and I gawped in mute horror as Jude looked down, blushing winningly.
"I know, isn't it wonderful? I think when I chucked him the last time he realized you don't know what you've got till it's gone - and that finally jerked him into being able to commit."
"Finally jerked him into realizing he'd have to get a bloody job if he couldn't live off you any more, more like," muttered Shaz.
"Er, Jude," I said. "Did you just say you were going to marry Vile Richard?"
"Yes," said Jude. "And I wondered - will you two be bridesmaids?"
Sunday 11 May
9st 2 (phantom baby departed in horror at impending wedding), alcohol units 3, cigarettes 15 (may as well smoke and drink freely now), Mark fantasies 2 only (excellent).
Shaz just called and both agreed that whole thing is doom. Doom. And that Jude must not marry Vile Richard because:
a) He is mad.