"The thing is, Bridge. You've got to Attain Closure on that one and move on," she said, seemingly not noticing that her last lot of advice had completely failed, which might just invalidate this.
"You've got to start working on Loving Yourself Come on, Bridge! It's fantastic. We can shag whoever we want."
"Singletons hurrah!" I said. So why am I depressed? Am going to call Tom again.
8 p.m. Out. Everyone is out enjoying themselves except me.
9 p.m. Just read a bit of You Can Heal Your Life and now see exactly where have been going wrong. As Sondra Ray, the great re-birther, said, or maybe it wasn't her. Any-way, this is it: 'Love is never outside ourselves, love is within us.'
Yes!
'What may be keeping love away? ... Unreasonable standards? Movie Star Images? Feelings Of unworthiness? A belief that you are unloveable?'
Huh. Is not belief is fact. Am going to open bottle of Chardonnay and watch Friends.
11 p.m. Road Less Travelled blurry good. Is cathexis or similar. 'Unitary division Of love include self love if love for another.' Sblurry good. Ooof. Tumbled over.
Saturday 26 April
9st 4, alcohol units 7 (hurrah!), cigarettes 27 (hurrah!), calories 4,248 (hurrah!), gym visits 0 (hurrah!).
7 a.m. Aargh. Who set that bloody thing off?
7.05 a.m. Today I will take responsibility for my own life and start loving myself. I am lovely. I am marvellous. Oh God. Where's the Silk Cut?
7.10 a.m. Right. Going to get up and go to gym.
7.15 a.m. Actually, though, it is probably quite dangerous to work out before you have properly woken up. Will jar joints. Will go tonight before Blind Date. is stupid to go in the daytime on Saturday when there is so much to do e.g. shopping. Must not mind that Jude and Shaz are both probably in bed shagging wildly, shag, shag, shag.
7.30 a.m. Shag.
7.45 a.m. Obviously it is too early for anyone to ring. Just because I am awake does not mean anyone else is. Must learn to have more empathy with others.
8 a.m. Jude just rang but practically impossible to tell as total sheep-voice sobbing, gulping experience.
"Jude, what's wrong?" I said, devastated.
"I'm having a breakdown," she sobbed. "Everything seems black, black. I can't see any way out I can't ... "
"It's all right. It's going to be all right," I said, staring
wildly out of the window to see if there was a psychiatrist passing. "Does it feel serious or is it just PMT?"
"It's very, very bad," she said in a zombie-like voice. "It's been building up in me for about eleven years." She broke down again. "The whole weekend stretching ahead alone, alone. I just don't want to carry on living."
"Good, that's good," I said reassuringly, wondering whether I should ring the police or the Samaritans.
Turned out Stacey had inexplicably just dropped her off after dinner last night and not mentioned seeing her again. So now she felt she'd failed at Thursday's snog.
"I'm SO depressed, The whole weekend stretching ahead- Alone alone, I could die and. . ."
"Do you want to come round tonight?"
"Oooh, yes please!! Shall we go to 192? 1 can wear my new Voyage cardi."
Next thing Tom rang.
"Why didn't you call me back last night?, I said.