"Well, how do you know it's 4.5 to 7?" Louise was barking at a man who looked like Prince Andrew in a stripy shirt.
"Well, I did read economics at Cambridge."
"Who taught you"" snapped another girl, as if this were going to win the argument.
"Are you all right?" whispered Mark out of the corner of his mouth.
"Yes," I muttered, head down.
"You're ... quivering. Come on. What is it?" Eventually I had to tell him.
"So I vote Tory, what's wrong with that?" he said, staring at me incredulously.
"Shhhhhh," I whispered, looking nervously round the table.
"What's the problem?"
"It's just," I began, wishing Shazzer were here, "I mean, if I voted Tory I'd be a social outcast. It would be like turning up at Cafe Rouge on a horse with a pack of beagles in tow, or having dinner parties on shiny tables with side plates."
"Rather like this, you mean?" He laughed. "Well, yes," I muttered.
"So what do you vote, then?"
"Labour, of course," I hissed. "Everybody votes Labour." "Well, I think that's patently been proved not to be the case, so far," he said. "Why, as a matter of interest?" "What?"
"Why do you vote Labour?"
"Well," I paused thoughtfully, "because voting Labour stands for being left wing."
"Ah." He seemed to think this was somehow hugely amusing. Everyone was listening now.
"And socialist," I added.
"Socialist. I see. Socialist meaning ...."
"The workers standing together."
"Well, Blair isn't exactly going to shore up the powers of the unions, is he?" he said. "Look what he's saying about Clause Four."
"Well, the Tories are rubbish."
"Rubbish?" he said. "The economy's in better shape now than it's been in for seven years."
"No it's not," I said emphatically. "Anyway, they've probably just put it up because there's an election coming."
"Put what up?" he said. "Put the economy up?"
"How does Blair's stand on Europe compare to Major's?" Louise joined in.
"Yar. And why hasn't he matched the Tory promise to increase spending on health year by year in real terms?" said Prince Andrew.
Honestly. Off they went again all showing off to each other. Eventually could stand it no longer.
"The point is you are supposed to vote for the principle of the thing, not the itsy-bitsy detail about this per cent and that per cent. And it is perfectly obvious that Labour stands for the principle of sharing, kindness, gays, single mothers and Nelson Mandela as opposed to braying bossy men having affairs with everyone shag-shag-shag left, right and centre and going to the Ritz in Paris then telling all the presenters off on the Today programme."
There was a cavernous silence round the table.
"Well, I think you've got it in a nutshell there," said Mark, laughing and rubbing my knee. "We can't argue with that."