"You share your freakiness with three of the best-looking men in the world," I laugh.
"I do, don't I?" she giggles.
"So, what did they say when you said goodbye? Was it awkward?"
Their sleeping faces flash into my memory. "It wasn't awkward at all," I say. Natalie doesn't need to know that I was the only one awake at the time. She doesn't need to know that my trip into the markets of Bangkok was to avoid the misery of saying goodbye to the best men I've ever had the pleasure of spending time with."
"So, back to work?" she says.
"Yep. I'm sure it's all been piling up on my desk while I've been away. I bet no one has read the list of instructions I sent or covered off any of the tasks. It'll most likely be a complete shit show."
"Well, I'm sure you'll fix it within a few hours," Natalie says. "You've always been the most organized person that I know."
The thought of dealing with a week’s worth of my tedious job backed up fills me with a sinking feeling. While I'm picking up the pieces all the time, no one is ever going to take me seriously for a promotion. To be honest, I sometimes wonder if I'm too good at my job, and that's why my applications for other roles have been buried. Ugh.
"I wonder if your boys will tell my boys about their vacation romance?" Natalie says.
"They're not my boys, honey. And I'm pretty sure they won't see what we had as a romance. I think someone referred to it as a gangbang."
Natalie draws in a sharp intake of breath. "I didn't expect that kind of disrespectful talk from those boys. No wonder you're not sad to go home. I hope they didn't make you feel bad."
If only I could tell her how amazing they made me feel without bursting into tears. "I had a great time, Nat. Now real life is calling my name."
"More pancake?" the vendor who fed me earlier calls in my direction. I guess business is slow if he's hoping to feed me again so soon. I shake my head, and he makes a fake sad face, which raises my spirits just a little.
"Real life can be awesome if you follow your dreams," Nat says softly.
"What if you don't know what your dreams are yet?" I say.
"I'd suggest you start looking to find them. Don't waste time doing something that doesn't fill you with joy every day. You've been trying at that job for too many years. Maybe it's time to start looking for something that isn't going to make you sigh every time you speak about it."
"I sigh?" I ask, surprised. I really thought I was better at hiding my misery.
"You sigh loudly."
"Can I make you jealous by telling you that I just ate the most delicious pancake in the world"?
"Did it have sliced bananas in it?" Nat asks me. Trust her to be ahead of the game.
"It did. I'm going to try and bribe the guy for his recipe," I say. "I'd better go. It's getting close to the time I'm going to need to find a cab to the airport."
"Safe journey, my friend," she says. "See you on the other side."
When I hang up on my best friend, I stride straight over to the pancake man and offer to buy the recipe for his pancakes. Unfortunately, his English isn't good enough to translate the measurements, and my flight time gets too close for comfort. In the end, I vow to come back to Thailand when my craving for pancake heaven gets overwhelming.
Any excuse!
18
I can't believe it's a month since I got back from Thailand. A month and I feel more trapped in my life than ever. Yesterday I spent the afternoon helping my sister at her new home and listening to my dad talking about how amazing she is, while shooting me looks that involved his nostrils flaring in disappointment. I wanted to punch things, but I held it together as always, mostly because I don't want him to know how much he affects me. There's a battle between us that still baffles me. After what the boys said about Carmella, I watch her with interest, trying to figure out if they're right. Is she living her life seeking Dad's approval too? If she is, she's a whole lot more successful at it than me.
I'm on my break from work, grabbing my boss her sandwich from the bakery on the corner. I swear her order has ten different instructions that piss off the woman behind the counter on the daily. I always explain that the order isn't mine, but that doesn't seem to reduce her scowl when she hands over the completed sandwich.
I'm outside in the fresh air when my phone buzzes. Dust off your sexiest dress, we're having a party. Mom and Conrad are out of town, and they've given us the okay to have a beach party, Natalie's message says.