I shrug. "You sure you want to use up one of your questions on that?" Taking a seat at the table, I wait to find out what Harris will say next, popping a crispy fry into my mouth.
"Why do you look like someone burst your bubble?" he asks. "And that is an official question."
They all wait, the food forgotten on their plates.
"I have a sister, Carmella. She's perfect in every way, and my dad likes to constantly point it out. It makes me feel shit."
Picking up my burger, I take a big bite, hoping that my full mouth will dissuade them from asking any more probing questions.
"Some people major in emotional manipulation," Karter says softly. "It sucks and feeling hurt by it is natural. You shouldn't feel bad for having those feelings. But you should recognize that what your father does is wrong and that he knows what he's doing. That can be a hard thing to face."
Finishing chewing, I watch as all the boys nod in agreement. "It sounds like you know what you're talking about."
"We may have a similar family situation. Our dad…well, he doesn't compare us to each other, but he does use emotional manipulation to try to get us to do what he wants. It isn't always things that are in our best interests, or at least, it isn't things we want to do. We've had to face up to the fact that much of it is driven by selfishness and maybe a personality defect. It's hard."
I nod, wiping my mouth with a napkin as their situation settles in my mind. "It sounds like you know how to deal with it, though. I have no idea, other than avoiding calls and telling myself not to resent Carmella for being an angel."
"She isn't an angel, Connie. She's just a tool in your father's game. He will be using different techniques to keep control of her too. How much of what she does is because she's trained to seek his approval?"
I never thought of the situation in that way at all, imagining that Carmella wants to live her life the way she has been. But maybe everything is different from how I thought.
"How did you guys get so wise?"
Harris snorts. "I don't think that wise is a word that anyone has ever applied to us."
"Well, they should have."
"That's one question used up," Holden says. "By my count, we have another nine."
Could that be right? They made me come five times. That is a feat that I never believe anyone would achieve. Now there's a statistic to be proud of. Who gives a fuck about jobs and houses when multiple orgasms are on offer?
"I have a feeling that by the end of the nine questions, you're not going to feel like giving me any more orgasms." I roll my eyes, and Kane sits straighter in his seat.
"Don't do that, Connie. Don't put yourself down to us. The reason Harris came up with this game is because we want to get to know you. You seemed to want to keep us at arm's length, but we'd prefer to be closer."
"I'm not good at closer," I say.
"I think you're good at anything you turn your mind to," Karter says.
Warmth spills through me at their words. Dangerous warmth that I didn't want to feel. This game is scary because it's going to do exactly what I feared; bring me closer to these men.
Closer means heartache.
Closer means pain when everything between us is left behind in this gorgeous tropical country filled with strange fruits and unusual spices.
Closer means my boring life will be even grayer when I return.
But this moment feels too good for me to hide from. These men are too special for me to push away.
And my heart craves the warmth of them so much.
It's too late to push them away. Too late not to let go of some of my barriers so that I can live this vacation fling wholeheartedly.
The consequences will be inevitable, but maybe they'll be worth it.
Maybe.
13
The bus bumps down a road that has more potholes than it does asphalt, and I’m jolted between the solid and unyielding bodies of Holden and Harris. We’re on our way to the awesome historical site of Ayutthaya Historical Park. I’m buzzing with excitement at the day we have ahead. Getting to walk among the ancient ruins and see temples and giant buddha statues is something I really wanted to do but didn’t think I would get the chance.
There was no way I would travel this way by myself. Thailand is wonderful, but it’s daunting to a first-time traveler like myself, and in the back of my mind, I have all the stories of backpackers who have disappeared on their travels. Having four strapping men accompanying me on this adventure is the perfect way to dispel all my worries.