“You can’t tell Janine either,” I add.
Kendall pulls away to cross her heart. “Never.”
I smile and nod. “Okay. Thank you.”
“For sure. Now what do you say we hit up Shake Shack?” She shoots to a stand and picks up her wallet from her desk. “I’m starving and after those hurdles, I need a fucking burger.”
THIRTY-SIX
That was way too close of a call.
I can’t think about anything but Ramirez finding us. I should stop all of this right now. Amber is great, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t know if this is worth risking my entire career over.
I want so much more of her, but I want my job too. This job keeps me and my mother afloat—it gave me a real chance at life—and to risk that over lust is stupid as hell.
But this is Amber. After the night in the hotel, it’s impossible for me to get her off my mind. I woke up the next day, a whole lot soberer than I had been when I tasted her, and realized it wasn’t enough. I regretted sending her off. I should have finished the job, got her out of my system, and been done with it.
I park in front of my apartment building and as I unclip my seatbelt, my phone buzzes in my pocket.
I pull it out as I climb out of the car and there’s a text from Amber. She saved her name in my phone with an orange emoji heart. I smile at it. This is why I call her mi preciosa.
Amber: Kendall isn’t going to say anything. I trust her, so I know she won’t.
I sigh, shutting the screen of my phone off and going to my apartment. Even if Ramirez is to keep quiet about it, this is wrong. My hands shouldn’t be on Amber, my mouth shouldn’t be claiming hers, especially not on campus where anyone can pop up and see. I was reckless, thinking with my dick instead of my brain.
I’m glad I have the rest of the weekend to myself because, frankly, I need to reevaluate a lot of shit.
And deep down, I know that I’m risking so much because of something else. It’s not really Amber that is my problem. No, she’s more of a tempting distraction if anything. It’s been nice having something else to think about other than tragedy.
Something I’m way too afraid to acknowledge right now has been eating me alive lately, but having Amber to think about has made the reminder of it go away.
But, still…the anniversary is coming up and she won’t be around.
I’ll have to cope with it myself and I’m really not prepared for it this time.
THIRTY-SEVEN
Torres isn’t at practice today.
Hamilton says he took the day off, so instead we are practicing with Foster and I hate every second of it. Since Torres isn’t here to defend me, Foster is drilling me the most. She doesn’t like how I finish, how I start, or even how I do my damn jumping jacks.
I don’t like her at all, and I make a mental note to text Torres and tell him to never make me suffer like this again.
I am worried about him though. It’s not like Torres to miss practice. He’s always prompt and ready to go, and not only that, but we have a meet this weekend. It’s not as monumental as the one against Biltmore last week, but it’s still a competition.
When practice is over, and I’m walking back to my apartment with Kendall and Janine, I send a text to Torres, but it’s when I’m studying an hour later that I realize he hasn’t text me back.
The next evening, I’m trapped with Foster again and Torres is still out. Foster grills me, clearly getting a twisted sense of joy out of this, but I push through it because I want to go home and call Torres. He never texted me back last night and now he’s been out two days in a row, which I think is odd seeing as the season is officially about to start soon. Maybe he’s sick. Who knows?
As soon as I get home, I go to my room and shut the door behind me. I chew on my bottom lip as I focus on Torres’ name on my screen. Then I press the call button and the phone rings, and rings…but there is no answer.
It’s sent to an automated voice messaging system and, feeling defeated, I sink down in the chair by my desk and drop my face in my hands. This has to be because of Kendall catching us. Is he ashamed? Embarrassed? Is he thinking about leaving the team now because of me?
“Yo, Amber!” There’s a knock at my door and Kendall pops her head in. As she does, I whip my head up to pull my shit together. “Janine said there’s a party tonight at the sorority house. She got invited and was told to bring friends. You in?”