“What?”
My eyes were thick with tears. I was panicking now, breathing unevenly, shoving my fingers through my hair.
“Okay…Kandy. Just calm down, all right? Come here.” She grabbed my hand, leading the way around the corner, where a recliner and loveseat was set up. She sat me in the recliner and then dropped to her knees in front of me, grabbing my hands. She studied my eyes and was quiet for so long I wondered if she even had anything to say.
“Is everything okay?” I looked around Lora, and Miss Cane was there. Confusion warped her face, her eyes stretched wide.
“Yes, Mama. It’s fine,” Lora insisted. “I got it. Go finish cooking. We’ll be in there in a minute.”
Miss Cane gave us a wary glance, but she walked away. When we heard dishes moving again, Lora faced me.
“Okay, I need you to listen to me,” she said, so low I could barely hear her. “What just happened to Kelly? Yes, I knew it was going to happen, but she fucking deserved whatever they did to her. She never would have left Cane alone otherwise.”
“D-did Cane make this happen?”
Lora dropped her head, sighing. “No, he didn’t. He told Jefe not to do anything too hasty. He said he couldn’t live with the guilt of knowing someone died because of him, no matter how much he disliked the person.” She picked her head back up, her eyes boring into mine. “But I am nothing like Cane, you hear me? I have done a lot of shit I hated doing in order to survive, and I have lived with it all. I have no problem living with this, too.”
“Lora, you—”
“I did what I had to do to protect my family, Kandy. That bitch was never going to leave him alone. Ever. And for once in my life, I wanted to be the one to help him, not the other way around. Q has always been there for me—done everything in his power to protect me. Even when I straight up abandoned him, he came to check on me, but I blew him off, and even now, he’s still here.” Her eyes were getting watery and red, but the tears didn’t fall. “It was my turn to protect him this time.”
“By killing her?” I wheezed.
“I didn’t kill her. I didn’t even tell them what to do to her. All I did was tell Jefe that I wanted her out of the picture and for her to never bother him again, and I reminded him that he owed me, so he said it was done. That’s it. I don’t know what they did and didn’t know she’d die so quickly, but he knows how to cover his tracks. It won’t come back to us.”
I couldn’t believe this. Cane was right about Lora. She was stubborn. She just couldn’t let it go.
She released my hands, dropping her face into her palms. “You weren’t supposed to be there,” she said, looking back up. “What the fuck were you thinking, going to visit her?”
“I heard you and Cane talking to El Jefe when I was asked to leave. I just wanted to see if she was still alive, and I wanted to confront her about what she’d done to me. I had this hunch—I don’t know!”
“Yeah, well you saw her, and now she’s dead.” She exhaled. “God, I need a joint.”
“Does Cane know you asked El Jefe to do that?”
“No, but I’m sure the news will travel to him, and he’ll figure out that it wasn’t a coincidence.”
“God, Lora. This is all so fucking crazy.”
“This is who we are, Kandy. We’re fucked up, okay? I’ve told you that we aren’t good people. We do whatever we need to do to stay safe. If you can’t handle that truth, then maybe you should reconsider what you want and where you need to be. Not being a bitch, just being real.”
I swiped some of my tears away, looking away. Rubbing my elbow, I asked, “Why did El Jefe owe you?”
She frowned at me, dropping her head. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
I swallowed to clear the dryness in my throat. “Is it bad?”
“Q doesn’t even know, so yes, it’s bad.”
I touched her arm. “I would never tell him your secrets, Lora. I swear.”
“I know you wouldn’t…but what I did is fucked up. I feel guilty as fuck about it, and it’s hard to make me feel guilty about anything.” She stood up, planting her hands on her hips.
“It can’t be that bad…”
She looked at me sideways, then raked her fingers through her hair. She then stepped back and dropped down on the love seat that was behind her. We sat quietly, and I didn’t want to make any sudden movements because she looked like she was on the verge of telling it all. If she’d held it from Cane, she’d held it from everyone.