His throat bobbed, jaw ticking. “We need to talk somewhere private.”
I folded my arms. “I don’t think that’s wise. Wouldn’t want to get caught alone with a student, would you? Think of how much it would damage your reputation.”
Cane grabbed my arm and slid his fingers down the inside of it until it locked around my wrist. “I don’t give a fuck about any of that right now. I’m not leaving until you understand why I’m here. Walk with me.”
It wasn’t a request. It was going to happen, whether I liked it or not. He clutched my hand and twisted me around with him, leading the way down the hall. We passed several rooms until one became available. This room was darker inside than the rest of them, but the door was unlocked. He pushed it open and walked right in, looking around the corner to make sure it was vacant.
He shut the door behind us, locking it, then walking to a corner away from the window to get out of plain sight.
The room smelled like old paper and fresh wood. I took a look around, noticing several shelves, and came to the realization that this was a small library. A small sliver of light poured through the rectangular window above the shelf on the wall left of us, and the milky light revealed every angle and curve of Cane’s face. His strong jaw and chin, the sharpness of his nose, the dip above his upper lip, the smooth forehead, and even the light brown wisps of his eyebrows.
He looked unreal, ghostly, like a figment of my imagination, and a part of me wondered if I was so delusional that I was dreaming about him right now.
“I know I have no excuse,” he started. “And I know that whatever I say won’t be enough to justify not communicating with you or reaching out enough. But…my hands have been full, Kandy. I swear it—and not just with Kelly, but with everything. My life took a turn that night your father found out about us and then all of this crazy stuff started happening all at once.” He took a step toward me. I crossed my arms, doing my best to fight whatever emotion was trying to scratch the surface to forgive him.
“Am I supposed to care?” I grumbled.
“No. But I’m telling you anyway.” He held my upper arms, leaving me no choice but to meet his eyes. Beneath the moonlight they were shimmery and desperate and my chest tightened out of pity. “I miss the fuck out of you, Kandy. I do. I miss you so much that it’s hard to concentrate some nights. I think about you every damn day, wonder what you’re doing, how you’re doing. I know it’s useless to wonder but it still happens. A lot.”
I drew my bottom lip in, biting into it, refusing to cave.
“I just…I wanted you to have a chance at something new. I wanted you to see that there are other options out there besides me. It’s no excuse, I know. We were in muddy waters and still kind of are, but I still should have called to check on you a few times. I just…didn’t feel like it was my place to call anymore. Plus, we promised to move on, right? We agreed.”
“Yeah, that was before everything went to shit, Cane!” I finally had the strength to pull away. “I was worried sick about you, don’t you realize that? Not only that, but I went through what happened in Georgia alone! I thought that if I didn’t have my parents to talk to about it, I would at least have you to tell me that things would be okay and return to normal, but you didn’t! You weren’t there and that…that hurt me.” My voice cracked, my chest weighed down with every emotion I’d been trying to fight. “I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve cried, wishing you’d call me. Wishing you’d say something to me without making it feel like what we did never happened!”
He stared at me, eyes hard, still shimmering.
“I know what we did messed things up. I know that it probably caused a few things to change in your life, but after that one empty call, nothing else, Cane?”
He opened his mouth to speak, and I waited for the words to pour out, but nothing happened. There was only silence. I huffed a laugh, swiping the stray tears away that’d run down my cheeks.
“Yeah,” I laughed dryly. “Just keep being quiet. It’s what you’re good at.”
When he didn’t say anything to that, irritation swallowed me whole. I scoffed, waving my hands in defeat and going for the door. I didn’t have time for his shit.
“You wasted your time coming here. Just leave me alone.”
Before I could make it to the door, his hand caught mine and that same hand spun me around. His thick arm locked around my waist and reeled me in to his large body. His head fell down and our mouths were left with no choice but to connect.