“No,” I answered, head shaking. “Nothing happened until I turned eighteen.”
I noticed the relief glitter in her eyes. “Well…I guess that’s good. I mean—not good, but…ugh. Who am I kidding? None of this is okay.” She looked ahead again. “I really thought he was one of the good ones. A good friend.”
“He is good, Mom. And he is a good friend, too. Friends aren’t perfect.”
“He had sex with my eighteen-year-old daughter.” Her tone was harsh. When she noticed the frown steal my features, she softened up. “I just…I’m at a loss for words, I suppose.”
“I understand.”
“I just keep thinking about all the times he was around,” she murmured. “There was one time, a few weeks after he and Kelly split, when I saw him staring at you. You were talking to your father, so I thought he was just admiring the way you two interacted because he’d never had a father figure…but the more I think about it, the more I realize he was probably looking at you because he wanted you.”
I dropped my head, pressing my lips flat.
“Did you protect yourself at least?”
“What do you mean? I’m still on my birth control.”
“Yeah, but with a condom too?” she asked sternly, eyes boring into mine. “He’s older. You don’t know who he’s been with or what he does in private, Kandy.”
“Oh my God, Mom! Please! Stop acting like I’m on trial here! I’m not one of your plaintiffs in a courtroom.”
She breathed in through her nose and stopped walking, sealing her eyes to collect herself. “I just need to know,” she said, looking at me again.
“You want the honest answer? No.”
Her throat bobbed. She looked everywhere else but at me. “Do you need to take a pregnancy test?”
“No, Mom. I’m fine. I promise.” I grabbed her hand. “Can we please stop this? I’m so sorry for hurting you and Dad. I didn’t think…” I sighed, looking down at my feet.
“Didn’t think you’d get caught?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her anymore, but I could feel her scanning me like she could hear every thought running through my head.
She started walking again, huffing lightly as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. I matched her stride. “Thank you for being honest with me.” We were quiet again. I could hear other students talking and calling for each other, wheels running over gravel in the parking lot close by. “Let’s stop talking about that for now, okay? You’re in a new state with new things surrounding you. You’ve got a fresh start. You ready to be out in the real world alone?”
I shrugged. “I guess so. Kind of nerve-wrecking though.” I paused. “I’ll miss you guys.”
“Yeah,” she breathed. “We’ll miss you too, baby.”
We were quiet a beat, going toward my building again. “Mom…look, I really hope I haven’t ruined things back at home—I mean, I just hope Dad will be okay and can go back to work soon. I want things to go back to normal…for all of us.”
She stopped walking again, which made me stop too. She then grabbed my hand, leading the way to a bench only several steps away. We sat down and she turned so her knees were touching mine and my hands were in hers.
She rubbed the back of my hand with the pad of her thumb, a trembling smile sweeping over her lips.
“Mom—”
“It’s easy for us to forget that you are growing up, Kandy,” Mom sniffled and I clamped my mouth shut. A tear slid down her cheek, but she pulled her glistening eyes up to look at me. “Especially your dad. He still wants you to be the five-year-old girl who ran to him about every little problem. Sometimes, I wish you were that girl too, but I have to remember that you are growing and that certain things in your life will be just yours and we aren’t allowed to interfere or disrespect that. Your privacy is important. What you do on your own time, is yours. We all have our escapes—our thrills.” She lifted a hand to swipe at her face. “Once your father realizes that you are independent, and capable of making your own choices, things will go back to normal. We all do dumb things and he knows it. He will be okay, though. As soon as I get back, I will be applying for jobs—hell, I may even start up my own firm. I’ve always wanted to, and it’ll be great working from home.”
“That would be really good for you, Mom.”
“It will. I already have previous clients who are happy to give me the chance. They know how dedicated I am to my job.”
“So…that means you won’t take the job that Cane set up for you?”
She let out a ragged breath, pushing her gaze to the side and shaking her head. “I’m not going to lie, it’s a great job. It pays really well and I have a shoe-in so I’d have it in the bag, plus the company has clients with really deep pockets. They’re willing to pay for hard work. I would love to have it. Even if I took it, I’m almost certain I would never see Cane because of how busy he is and the fact that his attorney goes to meet him…but I can’t do that to your father. Not right now. He wouldn’t be happy with that decision, whether I see Cane around or not. I don’t want to cause any tension.”