Cane ordered two more coffees and when they were finished and the cup holder with all three coffees was handed to him, he said, "Other coffee's for your mom. I'm sure she's exhausted."
"Yeah, probably."
Cane got in the car, leveling the cup holder in one hand and shutting the door with the other. I took the cup holder from him and placed it on my lap, grabbing my iced coffee and sipping it. It was amazing. Probably the best iced coffee I'd ever had. I made a mental note to mark Bean & Dreams as my new favorite local coffee shop.
We were off again. It wasn't as awkward now, but only because I could occupy myself with sipping a drink.
We were about five minutes away from the hospital when Cane finally decided to talk—like actually talk.
“Listen, about what happened last night…” He let out a ragged breath, swiping a hand over his face. His other hand gripped the wheel a little tighter, and I saw his jaw pulse twice. While he gathered his words, I studied the letters on his knuckles. It said R-I-S-E, a letter on each knuckle, except his thumb. The tattoo was on his neck too. I wondered what it meant. "I don't want you to think—well, I mean...I just don't want you to expect it to happen again," he went on. I was looking at him, but when he said that, I lowered my gaze, looking at the creamy white lids on the hot coffees instead. "I had a weak moment. We both did. You had that drink, and I was drinking a lot last night. It was late and we were both tired and struck with grief. I probably shouldn't have given the drink to you. I just—we can keep what happened between us, right? If you aren’t okay being alone with me anymore, I understand, and you don’t have to be after today. I feel terrible about it, Kandy. I never should have put my hands on you that way."
My head shook as he stopped at a stop sign. "You don't have to apologize for something we both wanted."
"Both?" he asked, like he was shocked. "You think I wanted that to happen?"
I smashed my lips together and raised my eyebrows.
"Kandy, I—"
"I wanted it, Cane. I know you regret it because of your friendship with my dad and mom, and probably because I’m much younger than you, but...I don't."
"Kandy," he groaned again, and then let out a coarse, dry laugh. "You can't want me, you understand? I'm not the guy for you. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you." We were in the parking lot of the hospital a minute later, and just as he parked, he turned to me and said, "Just know it can't happen again, all right? I won't touch you. I won't let you drink around me anymore. When I'm around you, I'll keep my hands to myself completely, if that will help. If you want to tell your parents, you can. I'll accept the consequences." He smiled weakly, like that was the last thing he wanted me to do. "Nothing has to change," he murmured. "I still care about you. I just don't want mistakes like that to ruin the bond I have with you and your family. You understand what I mean?"
"Mistakes?" I repeated, and my throat thickened. I knew it was a mistake, I did, but I didn't expect him to actually say it out loud. How could he pretend he didn’t enjoy it? I heard it in his voice—saw the lust written all over his face, the hungry flames in his eyes. "Wow. Um...okay." I jammed my thumb into the seatbelt button and snatched it off. "Sure, Cane. I understand."
I handed him the cup holder of coffees—well, more like shoved it into his hands, leaving him no choice but to take it.
"Kandy, come on," he groaned, but I got out of the car and shut the door behind me before I could hear him say anything else.
Last night really had changed everything. But what he didn't understand was how badly I wanted it. How much I needed it. After nursing a crush so strong for so many years, I finally set it free and gave it something it wanted. It wasn’t a dream. It was real and I felt everything.
It was only the tip of the iceberg, but I wanted more. So much more. I was so damn greedy for him that it was hard to think about the consequences that could ensue.
I didn't think about how close he and Dad actually were, or how Mom would raise hell if she even caught wind of it. It would never work, no matter how much I wanted him.
But still, I let my stubbornness take charge. I didn't walk beside Cane. I led the way, finding the front desk and telling them my dad's name. Once I was given the room number, I made it my mission to get there as quickly as possible.