Jacob was here?
I’d been afraid to ask about him. Fearing he was no more real than Leah. “Yes, of course I want to see him.”
Dad left my side and opened the door. Jacob walked in hesitantly. He wasn’t what I had been picturing. He was bigger and broader in the shoulders than Dad, and his hair was long. It hung almost to his collar and looked windblown. As he moved toward my bed, I couldn’t help scooting back apprehensively. This was not my Jacob. The person standing in front of me was virtually a stranger. I searched his face for the boyish features I remembered from so long ago. Ten years of erased memories had me starting from scratch. There was nothing I remembered about his hardened face until he stretched into a slow smile. And then I saw it. The way his mouth quirked. It was faint, but familiar.
“How’s it going, Mia?” he asked, reaching up to ruffle my hair
like he had done when we were younger, another gesture I remembered.
The corners of my mouth stretched into a tentative smile. “Jacob,” I breathed, surprising everyone by laughing with delight when he gave me a crushing hug. I could hear Mom chastising him to be easy with me, but I burrowed into his embrace. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been hugged with so much compassion. It felt like home.
He pulled away at Mom’s urging. “Sorry. Did I hurt you?” he asked with concern, plunking down on the foot of my bed.
Dad and Mom exchanged a look, but neither made him get up. I was glad. Jacob, I knew. Jacob was a part of a different life.
“You didn’t hurt me. I forgot what a hug like that felt like,” I said, not giving much thought to my words. Only when I saw Dad flinch and Mom look away did I second-guess myself. Even Jacob looked visibly shaken. “I’m sorry. I won’t talk about Moth—Judy, if you don’t want me to,” I said quietly.
Mom rushed to my side. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears again, but she maintained her composure. I was relieved. “Sweetie, we want you to be able to talk to us. You can tell us anything. The good and the bad.” She gulped hard on the last word before throwing her arms around me. Her hug was gentler than Jacob’s, but felt just as loving. My initial reaction was to stiffen, but she held on and after a moment I relaxed into her. Her embrace was so familiar that my own eyes felt damp. Just the scent of her had my mind suddenly recalling images long forgotten. Burrowing my nose into her neck, I tried to distinguish the smell. It was the outdoors. And then I remembered. Mom liked to plant flowers in the garden. That was the scent I remembered, the grass, the soil, playing in the sunshine. The sunshine that wasn’t my enemy. Judy had taken this from me.
19
“HOW ARE you feeling today?” Dr. Marshall greeted me the next morning.
“Okay,” I lied, watching as she claimed her seat from the day before.
I eyed her apprehensively. That was everyone’s favorite question. Last night I had been able to push our disastrous first session to the back of my mind with the distraction of my family’s visit. Now with the bright sunlight streaming through the window, there was no escaping her previous visit that had unraveled in my head.
“It was a tough session. I’m sorry I caused you pain. That was the last thing I wanted to do. Do you still trust me?”
I hesitated for a moment before shrugging. Did I trust her? I didn’t know. Did I trust anyone? I wasn’t sure about a lot of things, but I knew that none of it was her fault.
“Do you have any questions for me?” she probed gently.
Her question wasn’t funny, but a hysterical laugh churned in my stomach, begging for a release. I held it back. She already thought I was crazy enough. No reason to give her more ammunition. I had about a million questions for her, but I had no idea where to begin. Everything I believed to be true was rapidly unraveling.
Dr. Marshall sat patiently while I tried to work through the conflicting demons in my head.
After a few minutes, I was able to contain the maniacal laugh before it could surface. “How could I make up a sister?” I asked. “Am I crazy?” The words came out in a rush on top of one another.
“Crazy is a word I don’t like to use. Is your brain a little confused? Yes. But that’s why I’m here. Together we’re going to figure things out. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good. Look at us making a step in the right direction,” she teased, smiling at me. “As for your first question, that’s a bit more complicated. Our brains are our most important organ. They control everything we do and everything that we are, and yet they are very fragile. A simple bump on the head can cause the brain to swell and completely stop functioning. In spite of that, the brain is a magnificent organ. It is designed to protect not just itself, but the body it resides in. When a person is put through a trauma that is severe enough, the brain has a way of shutting down certain aspects. It also provides a way to escape a situation. As we begin to learn more about your time with Judy Lawson, we will hopefully find a connection that will lead us to your sister, who more than likely saved you. I do not want you to resent the Mia you created. It was through her that you are most likely here with us today.”
I mulled over her words. It was a lot to digest and I was still having a hard time grasping the idea that I had made up a whole person.
“Do you have more questions?”
I nodded, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth. I was terrified of my next question and wasn’t sure how to even ask it.
Dr. Marshall didn’t push. She sat back in the chair with her legs crossed, patiently waiting for me to form my thought.
“Who is Leah?” I asked the question so timidly I was surprised she could hear me.
Judging by her expression, I could tell my question had thrown her off guard. This time it was her turn to search for the right words. I wasn’t as patient though. My fingers fidgeted nervously in my lap and my right foot tapped the bed rail over and over again.
I was beginning to think she wouldn’t answer until she finally opened her mouth to speak. “Leah was Judy Lawson’s daughter. She died by drowning while playing in a friend’s pool six months before Judy took you. The details are sketchy, but it appears that Judy took Leah’s death hard, understandably. She took six months off after Leah’s death and had just returned to work at your pediatrician’s office. That is where she first saw you.”