His thumb moved away from my lip. Acute disappointment speared through me. I was being ridiculous. Disappointment should be the last emotion I was feeling.
Brian didn't leap off me as I had expected, nor did his hand leave me. Instead, it moved to the side of my face where it gently cupped my cheek. "I know you do," he said just before his lips crushed mine.
He tasted of whiskey and raw heat.
Dan's kisses had been minty and sweet from the wintergree
n TicTacs he kept on hand. We'd discovered kissing together. In the beginning our kisses were timid, awkward, unsure. As we got older they were braver, more bold, but there had been a sense of reservation to them. Maybe it was because we'd decided to wait for the next step.
There was nothing timid or unsure about Brian's lips against mine. They were bolder than Dan's had ever been, despite the hundreds of kisses we'd shared. They consumed and dominated. They made Dan's seem immature and adolescent in comparison.
I used the last shred of my sanity to try to push him away again. It was a feeble attempt, lacking any real substance. He would regret this in the morning. We both would. I was an asshole to be comparing him to his brother. He would hate me if he could hear my thoughts. I hated myself.
My hands gave up their lame attempt. Instead, they seemed to have a mind of their own as they left his chest and burrowed in his hair, dragging him closer. I was surely going to hell, but I couldn't find the will to care. I was consumed by a fire that made me feel truly alive for the first time in two years. Maybe this was hell. The heat felt like it could be. If it was, I never wanted to leave.
Brian moaned his approval, challenging my tongue to a duel as he swept into my mouth time and time again, setting my body ablaze. His body rocked against mine, keeping pace with his tongue. My legs tangled around his, dragging him even closer as his free hand tugged at my shirt. His rough palm grazed my midriff, making my back come up off the floor as I bowed toward him with desire. I wanted more. Scratch that. I needed more.
He seemed to sense my urgency and need, or maybe his own needs matched my own. Without breaking the connection between our lips, his hand found its way under my shirt, not stopping until it cupped my breast. I whimpered against his lips, suddenly afraid of the sensations that seemed to be taking over my body. I wanted more. I moved against him, trying to ease the ache and fire, though the movement only seemed to spread it instead of smother it.
"Brian, please," I begged against his lips, not sure what I was asking for.
He pulled away, removing his hand from my breast.
I bit my lip, forcing myself to remain silent. This was for the best. One of us had to step up and be the adult here. I tugged at my shirt, trying to cover my exposed stomach. Brian seemed to have other plans. With one fluid movement he pulled me to my feet and scooped me into his arms.
My eyes went wide as he carried me to my bed. The significance of the moment hit me. We were crossing the point of no return. If I was going to put a halt to this, now was the time. My brain seemed to be on hiatus though, so my body took its absence as a free pass. As if to prove the point, my mouth moved to Brian's jawline, which fascinated me for some reason. My tongue took over, gliding across the light scruff that covered his chin. His arms tightened around my body as he lowered me to the bed and followed me down.
Our lips crashed back together and nothing else seemed to matter. We'd be forced to live with our mistake afterward, but for now neither of us seemed to care. Our bodies burned for each other, demanding more. The clothes we wore seemed to melt away almost effortlessly. Soon nothing separated us. Brian pulled away long enough to grab protection.
His brief absence was all I needed to regain some of my sanity. I closed my eyes as he moved back over me. I wanted this. I craved it like a drug addict, but I knew it was so very wrong. My passion still burned through me, but regret had already started to mock me. Closing my eyes was the only way I'd be able to survive the guilt.
Brian was having none of that, though. His hand moved to my face, keeping it in place. "Look at me, Kat," he ordered, holding himself away from my body.
I wanted to beg him to hurry. To finish what we started. I wanted the ache to go away. I wanted him to fill the emptiness inside me, but I knew all this was only temporary.
"Kat." His tone was insistent, demanding.
My eyelids fluttered open.
He growled his approval, settling between my legs. "Keep your eyes open. I want you to know its me you're making love to."
His words confused me. Didn't he realize I knew that? Not a cell in my body was unaware of who was touching me. Every thud of my heart knew whose hands were running along my body. I was aware of it all. I nodded my head. I sensed he needed that. We were both fighting our demons here.
Brian moved closer until he was pressed against me. My hips moved upward, sick of waiting. Brian's mouth found mine, hot and unyielding. His tongue moved in and out as he slid slowly inside me. Pain sliced through me as he pushed his way in.
I gasped. His body stilled over mine, and I heard him swear. He would have pulled back. I could tell by the way he stiffened, but my legs locked around his waist, holding him in place. We'd come this far. There was no way we weren't going to finish. "No," I said through gritted teeth as his eyes found mine. "You can't stop," I ordered, not even noticing the trickle of moisture that had left my right eye.
He caught the tear with his lips before moving them back to mine. This time they were tender, coaxing. He moved in small increments, letting me adjust. My body began to loosen, accepting him."You should have told me," he said against my lips as he buried himself in me.
"Does it matter?" I asked as the heat from earlier slowly simmered back to life.
"Yes," he growled, sealing his lips back to mine as he picked up the pace, making the simmer boil over.
Another tear left my eye as the sensations began to engulf my body, obliterating everything else. Brian consumed my every thought as he explored my body as if it belonged to him. He taught me a single gesture could be completely intoxicating. More importantly, he taught me that I was capable of feeling again. It was just sex. Nothing more. Liar, the silent voice taunted me.
Thirteen
Brian was still sprawled naked across my bed when I crept out of my room the next morning. I kept my eyes averted, trying not to think about all the things that particular naked body had done to me the night before.