"I'm fine guys," I said, trying to reassure them. "I just need to iron some stuff out with Haniel."
My words seemed to ease their stress a little, but I could still feel their stares boring into my backside as Haniel and I left the campsite behind.
Instead of walking up toward the stream like the previous day, Haniel and I walked down the mountain until we hit another small clearing not too far from camp. The clearing was empty except for a lone boulder that was roughly the size of one of the cute Mini Cooper cars I loved. The boulder was smack-dab in the middle of the clearing and was covered with a soft blanket of moss that begged you to sit down. I scrambled up the side of the boulder and perched myself on the flattest spot I could find. The height of the boulder allowed me to make eye contact with Haniel from where I sat, which I felt was crucial for what I had to say.
Haniel's face was a blank slate and he watched me without saying a word. His blue eyes turned guarded as I finally turned to him.
"Sooooo," I said, dragging out the word. "I guess you could say things are starting to look a little clearer for me today. For months now, in the back of my mind, I've held on to the fantasy that Mark allowed his father to alter his feelings to protect me. I thought all he would need to do is see me again and I would be able to help him find his way back, but I've come to realize that even if that proved to be true, our relationship will never be the same again." I said in a rush, trying to get all the words out before he could interject. "Because, I'm no longer a Guide, right?" I asked.
Haniel nodded his head, letting me continue.
"And Mark is no longer my Protector, right?"
"That is correct."
"If Mark can be saved, will his soul link with another Guide?" I asked, ignoring the phantom hand that seemed to grip my heart.
"Your link was severed when Mark left with his father, eliminating what you were both created for in that instant. Mark is no longer a Protector; therefore, his soul will not link with any other Guide."
"If I have become some mystical Ascended being, what has Mark become?" I asked, finally getting to the root of my questions.
"That is yet to be determined. The Dark One has cloaked Victor and Mark well, leaving us unable to know their futures."
"So, if Mark can be saved, he will be something else like me?" I probed.
"Yes."
"And that something could be very bad if we are unable to save him, right?"
"That is correct."
"So, in order to help the outcome tonight, I have to come with you." Haniel tried to reply, but I held up my hand. "Wait, let me finish. I understand why you and The Light may have felt cautious before. You were concerned that my feelings could jeopardize the lives of all the Links, I get that. But Haniel, this has become more important than just Mark and me. If Victor really has become what you say he is, I can't let my friends risk their lives in that kind of danger without me. I could never live with that, and you can't expect me to. If I have become an Ascended, they need me there," I said, finally laying all my cards out on the table.
Haniel studied me appraisingly for a moment before answering. "You may accompany us," he said decidedly.
I thought I misunderstood him at first, ready to pitch a fit if need be. His sudden consent threw me off, I had an entire second part to my speech all prepared about "how I could help save the lives of the Links while he dealt with Victor." I never expected him to cave so easily.
"I can?" I asked in disbelief.
"Krista, The Light has just been waiting for you to embrace your new role in this earthly realm. Your acceptance to whom and what you are was something you had to handle on your own. The Light knew if he allowed you to join the battle before you acknowledged who you are, the repercussions would have been disastrous."
"Why?" I asked.
"The Light believes that Victor would use your love for Mark against you if you went in there denying what you truly are."
"Haniel, if Mark wouldn't have gone with his father, would I have still changed into what I am now?"
"Not in the sense you are asking. You were special, even as a Guide, and your powers exceeded the others, but you would have remained a Guide if Mark hadn't left you," he said, sidestepping what I was truly asking.
"What I mean is, did The Light make Mark leave me so I could ascend?" I asked.
"Krista, The Light does not make individuals do anything. Remember when we discussed freewill?"
I nodded my head.
"Your freewill gives you the power to choose your destiny. Some things were written centuries ago. I cannot truthfully tell you if this was your destiny all along. I have not sought out the answer from The Light. I do not think knowing the truth will help you. You ascended because you survived where others have not. Always remember, you are not being punished, ascending is the greatest gift The Light could bestow on any soul."
I pondered his words for a few minutes. For years, Mark's presence in my dreams had given me peace and a sense of rightfulness. When those dreams turned to reality, my feelings increased tenfold. My heartbreak over losing him was crippling, but I wouldn't trade the moments I had with him for anything.