“That’s why scholarships are such a waste,” Beck says, his breathy half-laugh nearly as mocking as the rest of the chortles that break out across the room.
I turn. Beck sits between Jasper and Heath, shaking his head in disappointment.
“The students who receive them don’t even know how to use the advantages they get from them.”
A couple other kids chuckle again. Neither the professor nor Dean Robin speaks up about it. I lower my head, feeling my face burn with embarrassment, and slide down further at my desk.
But it’s not embarrassment for what he said.
It’s because I’m embarrassed by myself and my own inability to say anything back. I thought I was unable to fight back before because I was weak.
Maybe it’s not that.
Maybe it’s just that deep down, I’m a coward.
Chapter Fifteen
Standing up to Rafael is one thing, but it isn’t enough.
Not once this little truce with The Brotherhood, whatever it is, is over. Because it will be over, eventually.
Boys like Jasper don’t stay down for long.
Rafael doesn’t even say anything to me as we leave the classroom. I don’t blame him. I’m scowling so hard I think my eyebrows might fall off.
“Alex?” asks a cool female voice before I’ve taken two steps down the hall. I stop, glaring down at the ground. I had a feeling this would be coming. “A word?”
I turn around and face Dean Robin as she clickety-clacks her way out of the classroom ahead of the boys streaming from it. I just want to go back to my dorm and out of the way. I don’t want to deal with this. With her.
Rafael stares pointedly at her. He doesn’t leave my side as she comes up to me.
“A private word?” Dean Robin says pointedly, eyeing Rafael back.
“I don’t have a lot of time,” I retort, glancing over my shoulder in hopes of seeing some sort of excuse for an escape. “So, you can say whatever it is in front of my friend.”
“I just wanted to express how much of a shame it is that you can’t attend the conference,” she says slowly, carefully, her eyes still on Rafael. “I also have been asked to pass something along to you.”
“What?” I’m caught off guard as she reaches inside her bag and pulls out a white envelope which she places into my hands before I can refuse it.
“It seems that one of my students has been trying to get in contact with you. She heard I was heading here and asked me to give this to you.”
I stare blankly at her for a moment. She’s got to be kidding me. Olive has got to be kidding me.
Because that must be who it’s from.
I glance once more down the hall, this time looking for any sign of the boys who might murder me if they draw the same conclusion I just did before I stuff it roughly in my backpack.
“Thanks.”
“Funny that it’s … you that she’s interested in,” Dean Robin continues, finally sliding her eyes back over to mine. “I didn’t think she was …” She pauses as I stiffen, her eyes searching me with hooded lids for a moment before she finishes her thought. “I just didn’t think someone like you would be her type.”
She keeps her gaze on mine. I’m not sure what to make of that.
“But maybe she just doesn’t know everything about you,” she replies, her face a mask of coolness. “Oh—and I’m sorry to hear about your injury. I spoke with Nurse Weber just an hour or so ago.”
For one second, I think she means from the other night … and then it slowly dawns on me, and it feels as though a cold hand grips my heart. This woman—this headmistress, or dean, or whatever—there’s no way she knows my secret, is there? She must at least have her suspicions.
Every time we speak she does this to me, looks through me. Into me.