Then she laughs again, and I’m starting to worry I really broke her. “Who am I kidding,” she says. “I knew how bad it was, and I did it anyway. I just never thought I’d end up on it.”
I won’t apologize to Victoria, not after all she did. What I did in comparison was nothing, but that doesn’t stop the ache inside.
I might find it in my heart to forgive her one day, but for now, I have to finish something I started long ago.
I don’t know how I find myself standing under his window. I don’t even know how I know which window is his.
I just do.
I kneel down and pick up a rock on the ground. I’m weighing it in my palm, trying to gauge how hard to throw it against is window without actually breaking it, when I hear another sound echoing to my left. I ignore it this time, determined to do this while I still have the guts.
But again, right before I can throw the stone, I hear that soft tap again.
That sounds. It’s almost as if …
I stop and squint into the dark. It takes a second, but I think I make out someone else standing at the end of the building. It’s a popular night for sneaking out.
While I watch, this second figure picks another rock off the ground, looks up, aims, and throws it up to tap against the window at the very end.
My window.
I take a hesitant couple steps towards the dark figure. As I do, the shadow shifts slightly so the light from one of the downstairs windows falls on his face.
“Astor?”
My voice carries across the empty, snow-covered ground like a whisper spoken between lovers.
He freezes and peers back at me, his eyes unbelieving.
“Teddy?”
I take a couple more steps, and then stop. “What are you doing?”
He glances back up at my window, and then shoves his hand, and the next stone he picked out, deep into his pockets. “I think that’s obvious,” he says, then he squints hard at me. “The real question is, what are you doing here?”
I look down at the rock in my hand, then hold it up for him to see.
“I think we both had the same idea,” I say, breathlessly.
This time when I look at him, I don’t see the man who betrayed me. I see the man I once cared for, the man I came to love. I see a man who was willing to give everything up to protect a girl he didn’t even like.
Even if it meant hurting himself in the process.
“Victoria told me,” I say, finally. The words come out easier than I thought. “Astor … what were you thinking?”
He looks away. A muscle bulges in his jaw as it works.
“I told you,” he says, quietly. “This world’s never what it seems.”
I shake my head. “But you hurt me, Astor. You hurt yourself. All of this, protecting her, was it worth it?”
Now he looks at me, really looks at me. “I don’t know, Teddy,” he says. “I’m not sure I’ll ever know.”
I can tell it takes everything in him to do it, but he straightens himself up with a steely resolve. “I know it’s too late for me. For us. But I hope, at least, that you understand why I had to do it.”
I hate to admit it, even to myself, but I kind of do.
Up until a couple months ago, I would have said no. I didn’t know the power, the draw, the responsibility that comes with money.