“Oh my god, I got in! I did it. I can’t believe it,” I gush, and then look at the letter again just to make sure that I read it right. I sent my application in ages ago, but just assumed I didn’t get in when the rest of the early acc
eptance letters came in and I never got one.
Wills and Blair. I have to tell them.
The inside of my chest expands. We won’t be separated. Not now, not ever.
“Well, with all those amazing letters of recommendation that you sent in, it would have been a mortal sin not to allow you to go there. I bet no one came with higher recommendations than you,” Dana tells me, thrilled.
I stop bouncing all over and stare at Dana, realizing something very important. “Oh my god. You’re right. I never would have made it in there without my aunt and uncle getting all those letters and helping me. Or at least, I’m not sure if I’d have made it in. I have to call them!”
She agrees and hands my cell phone to me as I put the stack of papers down on my desk. I call my uncle and he answers right away, as he always does.
“Hello, Teddy. How are you doing?” he asks, sounding slightly concerned. The last time I spoke to him, I was admitting to the accident that happened in Nice. I thought it was only fair game to warn him that we might get a lawsuit, but it turned out to be a false alarm. I got lucky, I know, very lucky.
It feels good to be calling with better news.
“I just got a package from New York University,” I start, “and I wanted to let you know that I got in.”
I can hear the pride and pleasure in his voice. “That’s wonderful! Congratulations!” he tells me earnestly.
“I never would have been able to do it without you,” I say, and I mean it. For a moment, I feel guilty that I haven’t been up to see them in a while. Both Dane and I agreed it would be best if I stay away, mostly, at least until my aunt seems able to come to terms with the fact that I am not, and will never be, Sadie.
He congratulates me again, then, a little more awkwardly adds, “We’re proud of you, you know. After everything. Your father would be, too.”
I feel a pang in my stomach, and hope what he says is true. If they knew everything, if my father knew everything, would they really be so proud of me?
My worries don’t stop me from telling Wills and Blair the good news. I’ve seen them happy before, but never quite like this. Blair gets so excited, he rakes his fingers through his hair until every silver strand stands on end. Wills almost throws a couch.
We’re staying together. My family; my real family.
I can’t help but feel a twinge of pain that Astor isn’t part of the family. I always wanted him to be, but that dream is long gone. After what he did, and after what I did, too.
There’s a moment where I’m sitting on that same couch Wills almost threw and he and Blair and Dana too are all laughing and reaching for a bottle of champagne, and suddenly, it’s all too much.
I don’t know how it happens exactly, but suddenly I’m standing out on the lawn.
The last of the winter snow glistens darkly under a cloudy sky. The only sources of light are the rows of lamps lighting the paths to my left, and the soft glitter of light upon the semi-frozen surface of the lake.
I didn’t think to take my coat out with me, but I’m too distracted to notice the cold. For the first time in what feels like ages, my mind is clear.
I’ve been so stupid.
I’ve been so stubborn.
I’ve been—
My own thoughts are interrupted by a rustling in the dark.
I turn and spot another light in the night. It’s small; a single orange-yellow pinprick attached to a shaking hand. A figure is hunched down behind one of the trees. I can’t see who it is, so I creep forward, careful not to let my feet make any sound as I move across the snow.
As I move closer, I recognize the light as the lit end of a cigarette. It takes me another moment to see who holds it.
“Victoria?”
The figure gasps mid-smoke and breaks out in a fit of coughs. I move closer, one hand hovering in the air above her like I’m about to help, but I don’t. I stand there awkwardly until her coughing fit subsides and she tilts her face up to look at me.
She’s almost unrecognizable.