“I will never forget the first time. It was our first time. It was your first time. It was so incredible. You were like a dream … so beautiful, so innocent, so unbelievable, sitting in that steamy water, covered in bubbles. It was one of the best days of my life,” he murmurs to me as he rinses me off tenderly.
“It was one of the best days of my life, too,” I say as we step out and he wraps me in a towel, drying me off. I reach for my pajamas, but he closes his hand over mine and shakes his head.
“You can wear me tonight,” he tells me sensually, and walks with me to the bed, where he pulls me up against him, and we talk and kiss and do just about everything except get any sleep until the wee hours.
The days at the Stryker house are filled with laughter and fun, with easiness and relaxation.
It’s just as good as Thanksgiving was at Blair’s, or perhaps a little better, since Victoria and Astor were there with us, and that made it awkward. Victoria had a miserable time and she refused to look at us, and Astor was so jealous that I was with Blair and Wills that he came to my room and kissed me, trying to get me to make love with him.
That memory brings me a pang of sadness and more than a little guilt, but I decide not to think about it. Astor may have hurt me, but this Christmas there is only love, no bitterness, and I am cherishing every single second of it. I want it to stay that way.
Our days here at the house are numbered. Soon, it’s the last full day I’ll spend with the Strykers, and I’m trying not to think about it.
Blair and I watch as Wills, his brothers, and his father all take each other on in a rousing game of football in the huge back yard. Blair isn’t into sports, but Wills breathes it like it’s oxygen. Blair keeps watching me as we sit there together and finally I turn to him and give him a curious look.
“What is it?” I ask interestedly.
He shakes his head. “I’m just thinking. I mean … it’s New Year’s Eve tomorrow, and that means that we only have five more months together at school before we graduate. After that, it’s off to college. When I woke up beside you this morning, all I could think was how much I love doing that, and how much I miss it when you’re not next to me. What are we going to do when we have to go our separate ways? How are we even going to do that? I can’t lose you!”
I take his face in my hands and look into his dazz
ling green eyes. “Don’t you worry about that right now. That’s ages away.”
I lean close and give him a long, slow kiss, and then I smile at him and take his hand in mine. He sighs and nods, and I know that he’s doing what I’m asking him to, but it’s a struggle for him. I know he’s going to keep worrying about the future, and there’s nothing I can do to stop that.
It’s later in the evening when Wills comes to me and I’m waiting for him. He undresses me slowly, taking his time and covering my skin with his mouth and his lips in every place where he pulls the material from me. It’s like a slow-moving fire, burning deeply into me and making me want more of it.
His big, strong hands move over my neck and my back, massaging me and working his fingers into my shoulders, all the way down to my hips, and over my legs.
Something about him seems a little off, however, and I stop him and sit up.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask, looking down at him lying in my lap.
He reaches out and plays with a strand of my hair. “I was thinking about what happened today when we were all playing football. I saw you and Blair talking, and it looked kind of serious. I was wondering what it was about, but I didn’t want to be nosy and ask. I mean, we kind of have this arrangement, and whatever is between you two is between the two of you. I was just hoping everything was okay.”
I smile at him gently. “Yeah, everything is okay. Blair was worried about what’s going to happen when we all graduate in May. He’s afraid that we’re going to go separate directions and that we won’t have this bond anymore … this arrangement, that we have. He doesn’t want to lose it.”
Wills frowns for a moment and looks at me. “I don’t want to lose it either,” he says quietly. “But it’s because I won’t lose you that I’m not worried about that. I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you close to me. We’ll work that out when the time comes to handle it.”
I smile at him widely. “That’s what I told Blair. He’s still worried about it. We’ll sort it out when the time comes.”
Wills leans forward and kisses me. “Get some sleep. Sweet dreams.”
I nestle in against his neck and his chest and close my eyes.
If only that was up to me.
My thoughts drift from my boys to Astor, and then Victoria, and somewhere in my dreams I find myself back in the cellar, and it’s the night of the party. I feel panic in my chest, and I start looking for Dana. I can see other people around me, but their faces are masked. All except Victoria’s.
She’s around me, everywhere I look, in every direction. It’s like I can’t get away from her, and I can’t get past her to find Dana. I hear Dana screaming for me, but Victoria blocks me, and she keeps me there before her as she laughs at me, over and over, telling me that I’m the one who’s killing Dana.
I scream at her and try to lunge for her, but she keeps disappearing in the smoke. Then she reappears behind me, taunting me, challenging me, and I keep vowing to stop her, but I can’t. the whole time there are flames burning all around us as I hear people screaming in terror and pain.
I try to fight her, but I just can’t reach her, and everything in me feels like it’s straining under tremendous pressure. Something grabs me and pulls at me. I turn, but I can’t see anyone. It pulls me harder, and I can hear my name being called over and over. It’s another voice. A deeper voice. It’s Wills’ voice.
“Wills?” I call out to him, but I can’t see him. “Wills!” I cry out again, and I hear him again, so close to me.
“Wake up, baby. Wake up. It’s just a dream … I’m right here. Wake up!” he says, and I gasp and open my eyes. He’s there beside me, looking down at me as he leans on his elbow. He touches my cheek and leans toward me to kiss my forehead.