Just as I’m heading out of the dining hall, he pulls me into an empty room and closes the door behind him. His eyes are intense and I can see that he’s overwhelmed with his emotions.
“What the hell do you want?” I demand, planting my hands on my hips. I really had hoped I wouldn’t see him again for a long while. Maybe now that I’m not the school’s unwanted charity case, I thought I might be able to sway my next class schedule to keep us out of the same classes for once.
Astor reaches for me and I pull away from him before he can close his hands around my shoulders. It’s a near miss and his hands fall to his sides.
“I want you! Damn it, Teddy! I can’t stop thinking about last night.”
“Oh right. Because suddenly my pockets are deep, now I matter.” I scoff, rolling my eyes and looking away from him disinterestedly.
“No! You matter because I love you! Does that mean nothing to you?” he shoots at me passionately, and I turn and stare right through him.
He loves me.
But his form of love is twisted and cruel. I’ll have nothing to do with it.
“Unfortunately, those words don’t mean anything to me now.” I shake my head and he looks devastated. He looks completely gutted.
It hurts me to see him like that. I love him. I do, but I’m not about to sell myself out to someone who wouldn’t have me when I was a nobody. If I don’t matter to myself, I’m not going to matter to him; not really.
The love I have for him is enormously overshadowed by my rage and newfound desire for revenge. It’s something I’ve never felt before, but the truth is that some things just can’t be forgiven.
“They should mean everything to you! I love you!” he reiterates with a fiery blaze to his eyes and gravel in his voice.
I shake my head. “No. You love Victoria. Did you even bother to break up with her before you came to me? Or was I just a quick roll in the money last night?”
He sighs and looks away, his shoulders falling. “That’s complicated. I’ve told you before—breaking up is not an option. But we’re not …” he hesitates, “that way anymore.”
“No way. Fuck you Astor. I’m not about to share you with her. I’ve made my position on that very clear.” If I keep tugging at my hair, I’m going to end up bald. “Everything that happened between us last night was nothing more than a mistake. A huge, regrettable mistake. I wish it never happened!”
My eyes are burning through him, and he hates it. I can see it in him. It’s twisting him into knots. For the first time, probably ever, he doesn’t have the upper hand. I feel some incredible satisfaction in that.
“I hope you understand what that means,” he demands, pointing a finger at me. “Either you’re mine and you’re with me, or I’m going to have to be against you. You aren’t going to want that!”
I laugh and cross my arms over my chest, shaking my head at him like he’s just told me the lousiest joke ever.
“You must be kidding. You’ve been against me nearly the whole time I’ve been here. You think that’s something new for me? You think you can make my life here any more miserable than you already have?”
He shrinks before me, but I don’t stop.
“Well let me tell you this, Astor Hawthorne,” I say. “You couldn’t possibly make it any worse. You want to try? Give it your best shot. Bring your A-game, buddy, because I can promise you right here and right now that you’re no match for me. I’ve made it through all of your bullshit up to now, and I can take anything you try to throw at me and throw it right back to you two-fold. You want to take me on? Go for it, Astor. Bring it. You haven’t seen anything from me yet.”
He growls deeply and turns on his heel, grabbing the handle on the door. He shoots daggers at me from his eyes as he yanks it open.
“You’re going to regret that choice.”
“The only thing I regret is being with you,” I fire at him coldly.
He leaves and slams the door behind him, and I seethe with anger and a consuming desire to get revenge on him and Victoria; especially Victoria. My thoughts turn to her and I turn and stare out of the window across the grounds of the school.
I can almost imagine her out there, her long dark hair flipped casually over one shoulder—while that evil mind of her runs over and over all the ways she can try to ruin my life again.
This time, I won’t let her.
“I’m going to make you pay for what you took from me, Victoria Waldorf. You cost me my father, my family, and the only chance I’ve ever had at a real family. No matter what it takes, no matter what I have to do, no matter how much time I have to devote to it … you’re going to pay for it.”
No one else can hear me, but it doesn’t matter.
Now that I am no longer alone in this world, I can do it. “Nothing can stop me, and nothing matters more to me than getting my revenge.” I vow darkly in a low voice. I mean every word.