I soon forget any suggestion to leave. We eat, we drink, we make love, and as the sun finally sets beyond the building-lined horizon, casting a blue glow over the city, he turns some music on and we slow dance out on the balcony as the sky grows dark.
“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had,” I tell him honestly. “Not that there was ever much of a contest.”
He kisses me softly. “Everything for you, Bunny.”
His cell phone rings and he breaks away to take it in another room before I can see who’s calling. I can hear some of the conversation through the door, and something about it seems strained. I’ve only just begun to wonder what’s so important that he can’t answer it in front of me, when he comes back and starts making us another drink.
It’s left him in a mood. He doesn’t look at me for a short while, his eyes staying trained on the carefully measured booze until it passes, and he’s all smiles again.
“Where were we?” he asks, wrapping me in his arms again and kissing me once more. I forget about the call and shift all of my focus to him.
We lose ourselves in each other for the night, and he wakes me up and we start all over again. I could get used to being like this with him. We were so close last year … and I think both of us are trying to make up for lost time.
It’s another long, wonderful day together. We eat and watch movies and talk, and by late afternoon, it’s all been another perfect day. He takes two more mysterious phone calls behind closed doors again, and both times he comes out looking exasperated and frustrated. He doesn’t tell me what’s wrong; instead he just distracts me with himself or a drink or something to do.
We finish dinner and the last of the cake, and he tells me that he hasn’t had enough dessert, so he takes me to his bed again. As we lay there in each other’s arms, basking in afterglow, he takes my hand and looks seriously at me. I know that something’s bothering him, and from the distracted look on his face, he’s finally ready to talk about it.
Blair sighs when I ask and weaves his fingers into mine.
“It’s about school. This weekend here with you has felt like paradise. It really has, but … we have to talk about what’s coming next week.”
I sit up and look at him, sliding my fingers free of his. There’s that tentative feeling creeping up, that once again, the bottom is going to drop out beneath me. I wouldn’t be surprised. Good things don’t come into my life and stay.
He sits up and takes a deep breath. “I need you to know that I’ve meant every moment here with you before we go back.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” I say, doing everything I can to keep panic from rising up to overwhelm me.
“Then you’re really not going to like what I have to say next.” He can’t look me in the eyes. “I wasn’t entirely honest earlier. I could give a damn what my parents think … but …”
“Astor’s a different story,” I say, dryly.
Now he glances up at me. “You know what he’s like. I can’t … we can’t … keep going on like this. Once we go back, everything has to be the same as before.”
My mouth falls open. “What are you talking about? After everything that’s happened here this weekend?”
“I’m really sorry, Teddy …”
I give up. I can’t hold back and play coy any longer. I jump up and crawl away from him on the bed, out of arm’s reach.
“No. That’s not fair. You don’t get to use me like this and then go back to, what? Pretending I don’t exist?”
The true horror of it all sweeps over me, making my head swim and the edges of my vision go dark. I’ve spent the last two days giving him more of my heart and my body than I have ever given to anyone.
He frowns darkly and looks away from me for a moment. “Oh, come on, Teddy. Can you honestly say you didn’t expect this?”
I flounder for words. “Expect what? For you to fuck me and forget me, like nothing ever happened?” I lose it, the sob rising in me changing into a dark, choked single-syllable laugh. I am
one part furious and one part devastated. “Do I seriously mean so little to you?”
Now Blair is up on his knees, reaching for me.
“It’s not that at all! Of course I care about you, I just … I just can’t show that at school. You might be forgiving, but Astor … he isn’t. I can’t betray him like that. The easiest thing to do is go along with them and act like you and I are still on the outs.”
I glare furiously at him. “You mean that’s the easiest thing for you. Isn’t that what you mean?”
He gapes at me, but I keep moving out of reach. I cross my arms over my chest, then think better of it, and pull the sheet from the bed to cover myself entirely.
“Have you even thought once how this is going to affect me? How do you think I’m going to feel, watching you pretending I don’t exist now, after everything.”